My Esoteric & Enigmatic Pathos...

2008-05-15T07:27:00.002+08:00

Long Gone...

Dear Friends,

As you may know by now, this blog is long gone as the owner has been MIA-ing for quite some time. Well, I may revive and revamp it, depending on my mood and the availability of my free time. See how things go then...

Adios...

2007-05-12T15:18:00.000+08:00

SEMAKAU LANDFILL CUM INTERTIDAL WALKS PLUS CLASS CHALET

The weekend after exams was filled with loads of fun and pleasure... My class-rep was very on to organize the above-mentioned, which I'm both proud and glad he did. Actually the main aim for the walk and talk was to allow us to be familiar with a module which we gonna take the following semester and blablabla, all the academic stuff... But to me, it's a good chance for my class to gel closer. Moreover, some of my classmates will be going overseas too, so this maybe the last good thing we gonna have then...

So, on Saturday night, some of us camped overnight at the Marina South Pier, which was damn pekcek. My class-rep said tt he knew tt place and even promised us a 24-hour McD there. Thus, I relented and went for the camp-over, rather than to meet on Sunday at 6AM, which I'm 100% sure tt I can never wake up in time. Therefore, the few of us (mostly guys) met at Pasir Ris MRT at 10PM to put our luggage down at a friend's place before setting out to the Pier. It was a long long walk to reach tt Pier from the nearest MRT and there was practically nothing there! No McD! I felt kinda disappointed but bah, at least I'm not the only one suffering. We were like beggars, lying down on a concrete path outside the pier. Most managed to sleep but as pampered as I know, I was rolling left and right until the sun comes up. Sadz. The floor was dirty and hard, and there were few mosquitoes attacking me too. Sigh... So in the end, I didn't sleep at all...

After what seemed like an interminable wait, morning finally came. My other classmates reached the pier one-by-one. Once gathered, we set off towards Pulau Semakau via boat. The island looked better than what I had in mind. Anyway, we set off for the intertidal walk, and before reaching the shore, we had to trekked through a jungle trail and there goes my only pair of shoes... completely covered in mud and other things you dunwanna know. My whole body was covered with mosquitoes too. Sadz life. But the open shore was another story. It was a rare scenery to behold. In short, the feeling was syok!

We were walking through the intertidal zones where we get to see certain types of corals and creatures. We had some hands-on too. I held two types of sea-stars and one of them is HUGE. Also, I got forced to hold the disgusing sea-cucumber. Gosh, you can feel the internal organs moving on ya hands and the other end of that creature will squirt a stream of water. Disgusting. Anyway, once I get hold on the pictures, I'll most likely post them up on my Friendster account. Picture paints a thousand words.

The landfill component was a less exciting... So let's skip the details. After the whole morning of sight-seeing, we were shagged out. We then went back to Pasir Ris to get our luggage for our chalet and headed for the chalet. Well the chalet was supposed to be a fun-filled thing, but sadly, not many of my classmates could join us. Anyway, this is also a good thing, coz we have only ONE bedroom enough to fit no more than 6 people. We had a BBQ tt evening and we celebrated the birthdays of 8 of my classmates. As usual, what is a chalet without cock-talking session. There were about 8 people in the bedroom but sadly only 4 participated in the confidential talk about each others' lives (or more like love life)... while the rest of them pretended to sleep and listen to everything we said. Haha chickens. So since this part is confidential, nothing much will be said about it...

The following day, we sent 3 of our classmates off the airport as they were going for some Work and Travel thingy. Slowly, the chalet get less and less people... I stayed back another night with 4 other survivals. We eat leftover BBQ food and find things to do to fill our time. Nevertheless, I truly enjoyed the company. Well, time really flies and we are going to be Year 3s soon. My class-rep may go for an exchange program for a year so there may not be anymore class activities, unless someone else step up. Few others will be going for other exchanges too and some, like myself, will be applying for Industrial Attachments. Well, I do hope that my class can continue to be as close and such... This really make my Uni life more bearable and enjoyable... My class can be one of the "on-est" class in NUS, and I do hope we can at least maintain it. Come what may then... Looks like this is a damn long personal entry... Paiseh and more updates about myself soon...

2007-05-02T18:33:00.000+08:00

Bye-bye Year Two...

Time flies... And it really does... quickly and painfully...

Again... as expected, I'll do my usual post-semester write-up on the modules I've survived over the past 3-4 months. So let me warn you 1st, it's gonna to be BORING... Here goes...

CE2183 - Construction Project Management
Well, the module is o..kayz...lah. Pretty interesting stuff to study, just that the Continual Assessment components are crazy hell a lot! Super waste of time doing those endless reading assignments, guest-speakers write-ups, term paper and that stupid Primavera project. This engine module is like an arts module... so many write-ups and essays to hand in! Sianzzz...

CN2116 - Chemical Kinetics & Reactor Design
The very name of it is already so turned-off... This is by far my WORST module or subject I've taken in the history of my academic life. Til the day of the exam, I still dunno 70 plus % of what's going on in this stinking shit module. And for my final exam paper (which was 25MCQs in 2 1/2 hours), I finished everything in less than 1 1/2 hours and started relaxing while others around me were still busy calculating and flipping through their notes, blablabla... Well, I totally gave up on this module and my fren who was sitting somewhere behind me was kinda shocked to see me so relaxed. I even took my calculator out without even using it (except to calculate how much time I have per question) and to think of it, this paper got a lot calculations summore! So all I did was pure 'gut' feeling and anyhow tick liau. Haha, pro huh... So looks like I'm more than screwed for this 70% paper unless luck was on my side that day lah...

ESE2001 - Environmental Processes
Hmmm... This module is kinda relaxed... Nothing much to mug for compared to the above. But I know I didn't do that well for the paper, few blanks and errors here and there... Oh what the hell... I don't think I'll see that Prof. again...

ESE2401 - Water Science & Technology
Again... I thought it was a calculation paper, but ended up quite a lot of writings to do. The exam paper was damn cheap-skate. The Prof. recycled hell lots of questions from past years papers, which, sadly, I didn't do much 'coz there weren't any answers for me to refer to. Anyway, it's over... nothing much can be done by just grumbling over it...

GEM2003 - Why History? The Turbulent 20th Century, 1914-1989
Why history? I also dunno... By the time I started bidding for modules, all the arts gems I wanted were of no more vacancies, so left with this one with hell lots of vacancies left. Thought that it'll be like secondary school history, I take it lohz... But I was so so wrong... I couldn't understand the Angmoh Prof. at all... so after attending about twice his lectures, I skipped the rest of them liau... The textbook which I bought was also untouched... Virgin book man... waste of my money... For this 2-hour exam paper, I took only one hour to complete... Well I don't have much to write about and I've used only a total of 4 pages. I really dunno how on earth others can even submit 2 booklets! Siao eh!

So to summarize this crazy semester of mine... I am the most relaxed compared to previous semesters, not becoz I think I'm damn smart... just that I'm so tired of everything... Tired of school life, hall life and my life... I spent most of my time youtubing and daydreaming about useless things... In all, I think I'm kinda disappointed with my performance and my lackadaisical attitude... Well, it's holiday for me now... I better do more soul-searching before it's too late... Sighz and sianzzz...

2007-04-18T04:48:00.000+08:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have low agreeableness.
Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.
In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.
And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.

Neuroticism:

You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

2007-02-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

Post 22nd Birthday Report

Just realised the true meaning of BUSY. No. That word is simply not strong enough to encapsulate the real essence of the crazy, hectic lifestyle I'm leading. Anyway, finally I had some quality time for myself and it's time to feed my malnourished blog again...

Yup, I'm already 22. Fast huh? And, as expected, I'm still single :D. Well I really ask for it. Anyway, let's not touch on that. My birthday this year was... FUN. Many funny things happened.

Firstly, on the Saturday before my Big Day, I was involved in Karang-Guni, which is something that I'm so not gonna do again. Haha. Well, eventhough I went for just 1 slot (out of 2), the work is enough to kill me. Knocking doors on every floors on different blocks, smiling and greeting people, asking them whether they have old clothes, newspapers or equipments to throw away. Hard core man. I was sweating like a pig carrying those things up and down the staircases, cause most HDB flats don't have lifts on every floor. Anyway, it was near 7PM plus already that the work ended. And I got to rush back to hall as I had a dinner appointment with 3 other people.

By the time I reached hall, it was already near 9PM and the three were still waiting so patiently for me. I'm so touched, yet so sorry for holding their dinner back till so late. Anyway, Nat and KM brought some food over and Ash prepared her Salty Chicken. Haha. Good stuffz. After that they had a surprise birthday cake for me in my room and Wing joined in. I was so exhausted after the whole thing and I immediately hopped onto my bed.

Monday's the day. Went for lesson. Then my class asked me out of the lecture theater during the break, and it's definitely something fishy. Yupz, the usual birthday celebration that my class is famous for in NUS. We're the only class in NUS insane enough to hold frequent parties and gatherings, which I'm very very proud of. Anyway, starting this year, my class is playing this Birthday Angel and Mortal game. Well the rules are simple: Everyone will get a mortal and all he/she has to do is to buy something for the mortal on the mortal's birthday on the behalf of the class with a standard budget of S$20-28.

Firstly, my angel wasn't there to reveal himself but he handed my present to another person to pass to me. When I opened that plastic bag, I saw a nice brown bag, bearing the lable "DKNY Be Delicious Men". Haha it was nice of him, coz I did mention that I like that cologne. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it considering the budget we have, but NO... deeper down in that plastic bag, I saw a red box. I was just speechless as I take the DKNY Be Delicious Men out. Original, 100ml, and packaged very nicely. I really didn't know what to say. My class were pretty amazed too and some started to complain that my Angel super spoilt the market. Haha. Well he seriously did. That thing costs more than $100.

The funny yet weird thing was that my Angel knew that the budget was within that mentioned range but he still got me this! My class-rep told him that he'll be refunded $28 max and my angel still didn't mind. He didn't mind paying for the rest. And what's worse? I don't really know him well and obviously likewise for him too. We only talked ONCE!!! Moreover, he rarely comes for lessons and joins my class for functions and such. Well, what more can I say? I've met a "real" Angel... and all my classmates wished that they're his mortal too. Too bad for them then...

So to sort of show my gratitude to my friends who cared for me in one way or another, I've decided to try something that I never did before - to cook. The following Saturday, I prepared pumpkin pies and simplifies Hakka noodles for my classmates and other friends from hall. Few of my classmates came over earlier to help me, especially XW who prepared few delicious finger-food for that day. So thanks a lot. It was the very first time I cook and such a scale (roughly more than 20 people turned up) and gosh, I bought a lot of food. I learnt how to cook over the phone with my mum. Well, apart from the accidental heavy usage of salt on the noodles and the lack of sweetness in the pie, I guess I passed my 1st attempt. Haha. Well, if I have the time again, I'll try to improve my skills and prepare better dishes then.

Phew, this is a real long entry, after so long of MIA-ing. So far I'm enjoying myself apart from the heavy commitment in hall and the chasing of academic work. Have to see how long I can survive these then. So hope there's more of me in the future then. Bahz.

2007-01-21T14:38:00.000+08:00

Ferris Wheel

"Life is like riding on a Ferris wheel...
You go up and down,
but you're merely revolving around the same thing..."

2006-12-17T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm so damn stupid...

My ears were craving for new nice songs for quite some time already. There's a CD I always wanted - Earthsongs by Secret Garden. Then last Thursday, I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to buy it, since I have a 20% discount offer in BORDERS. I rarely read books see, so might as well use the offer for CDs. The original price was $25.90. After discount and GST, the final price was $20.76.

Satiated, I kept listening to the songs and blablabla. Then last night (Saturday), I went to Vivo City to do my usual window-shopping. I decided to enter Sembawang CD Shop, to check out the price of the CD I just bought. Well, curiousity nearly killed my cat. I shouldn't have entered that cursed shop.

In Sembawang, that Secret Garden CD was so damn nicely packaged, in a nice box. And I turned to the back of the box, and to my horror, it has both CD and DVD!!! CELAKA!!! What's more? The CD has a BONUS TRACK, which mine doesn't. PUI EH!!! And it only costs $22.90. I felt as if I'm the stupidest guy in the world. Just 2 days ago (2 DAYS ONLY!!!), I bought that CD. Damn man. If it was like 1 years ago then I seriously don't mind buying the packaged CD in Sembawang lah. ARGH!!!

(SLYS is having manic depression right now. He may or may not be back to his blog for some time. So, if necessary, contact him in the usual ways lah)

2006-12-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

Hectic Semester III...

Yupz... finally I'm back... after so so long of MIA. As expected, this entry will not concern any of you coz it's my custom to write a review for all the modules I had over the semester. So here it is, a total of six modules...

EC1301 - Principles of Economics
Something very new to me. I never liked econs and that was why I chose not to take it in JC. And why I chose to take it this sem? It's because a friend of mine said that it's easy to score. Rubbish! I have to compete with those who had or have econs background, and cramming (slightly less than) 2-yrs worth of econs knowledge into 4 months of learning is definitely not fun at all. I didn't even have the chance to do or try the tutorials before hand. I was always 2-3 weeks behind schedule. Sigh, but fortunately both the exam papers are in MCQ form, so less memorizing work for me. Well, if it's easier for me, it'll be much easier for the rest of them...

CE2134 - Hydraulics
Errr... Something that I'll try my best not to go near again... Come on, how interesting can fluid dynamics be? The notes aren't good and informative. They questions they set are hell tough. Til now, there are still some concepts that I couldn't grasp and that was why my mid-term results wasn't that well-done. The prof even said before our final paper, "Just try your best to do as much as you can..." Wow... damn encouraging man. Well, it's over now...

CE2184 - Infrastructure & the Environment
Initially, this was the module that I was most confident for getting a good grade, and simply put, it was an easy paper for almost all. I was too damn confident, in fact, that for the final paper and I was aiming to get full marks for it. But sadly, I couldn't do 2 of the 4 questions set because those questions were definitely out of what we're taught. So about half of the paper gone. Moreover, this is the module with the major project that gave me hell lotsa headache. Oh well, I try not to talk much about it then, since the project is over...

CE2407 - Engineering & Uncertainty Analyses
Hell lots of statistics and matrix manipulation to do, to the point of me refusing to submit the assignments for marking. I didn't attend most of the lectures too, coz I thought that it'll be simple JC stuffz. I was wrong! Haha. Anyway, too late to regret for this module liauz...

LSM1401 - Fundamentals of Biochemistry
Hohoho... Biochemistry... Really no background at all... A module competing with all the Chemical engines and Bioengineers, the top classes of the engine faculty. As usual, I've been skipping the lectures, not because I think I'm damn smart, it's just that I couldn't wake up for both the 8AM lectures per week. Too bad then. The final paper was the killer. A total of 60 MCQs (Open Book Format) and guess what? I could only do less than 10 of them, the rest is pure shooting. Now, all I pray for is that my shooting skills are good enough... Sianz...

SSA2215 - The Biophysical Environment of Singapore
It's compulsary for all NUS students to take a Singapore Studies module, so I chose something that will be more related to what I'm studying - the environment. It's a core module for the Geography students, so bohpianz, have to fight with them. And I think it's the only SS with lab works. Pure nonsense. The lab reports and field works really wasted a lot of my time. And since I've put this module as an S/U (grades not counted) option, I started to ignore this module completely. Believe it or not, I only started reading some of the tested chapters the day before the exam, and I barely even have time to look at the book I bought for it, relying totally on the insuffient notes they provided. Well, quite hopeful to just pass that module, which is all I'm asking for...

Yupz, that all for the academic stuffz. More about my other aspects of life soon.

2006-10-15T00:29:00.000+08:00

Another Orgasmic Song...

Despite my tight schedule, heavy commitments and waxing workload , I often spare my available time (if any) "youtubing", as a form of short entertainment to de-stress myself. Yupz, it's my new hobby and I'm loving it. Lately, I've been very keen in my another hobby, which is collecting sad songs. (You should know by now that I'm nothing less than weird). So Youtube is definitely a good source for me to find out about sad MVs and such...

Funnily, most top-rated sad MVs are Korean! Wooo! I dunno why, but recently, Korean music industry is ascending, compared to others. They invest a lot in the making of the MVs and their songs are generally nice to listen to. One good example, which I'm going to share with you all, is the song TIMELESS by Xiah Junsu and Jang Ri In. Marvelous! A friend of mine even commented that it's worthy of 6 out of 5 starts. I pretty much agree with him when I first heard the song. As usual, the intro of the song has an impact to the listeners, that makes one wanna hear more of it. I try not to lionize the song too much, but basically it's the same concept of what I wrote previously in my entry on the song by Fly To The Sky.

The unique thing about the TIMELESS MV is that it comes in 2 parts, i.e. you gotta watch both parts to understand the storyline. And trust me, the plot and cast are very good. Moreover, the MV is so appropriate for the song. The 2 singers definitely look and sing better than Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, who sang the english version of TIMELESS in an uninspiring way. Anyway, a picture speaks a thousand word, but a video will definitely speak more than that. So here it is, an orgasmic song which never stop reverberating in me... TIMELESS...

Part 1

Part 2

Enjoy...

2006-09-16T22:50:00.000+08:00

A Dream Come True - Forbidden City: Portrait of an Empress

After so long for being Missing-In-Action, I think it's time for me to start blogging again. What a hectic life since the beginning of the semester and I've been inundated with non-stop activities and work. Since I feel quite "sneh" this lonely night, I've decided to blog a lil on the musical I went last night. It's a woohoo! and I don't know how to emphasize that any further.

It was the first large-scale musical I went (apart from my hall's production last year). As usual, Esplanade never change since the last time I visit that lovely place. Anyway, back to the musical. The first time I heard of this local production was in 2004 (when I was in JC2). A friend of mine went to watch it in 2003 and bought the album. So I borrowed and listened to it. Wow. Super impressed with the songs, lyrics, melodies... Then I felt so regretful for not attending it. Then I told myself NOT to miss it when it does come again. So I've been praying for it to come back ever since...

Well, it does come back again this year, for the 3rd time now in Singapore. I was so glad when I heard the news. So I checked the prices, hoping that there're student rates this time. Erm, pretty expensive range for the tickets and that those for students were only available in some afternoons. Since my friends are only free on weekends, then no choice have to get the slightly more expensive tickets. We bought category 4 tickets (S$62) for level 3 circle seats. Well, we were seated pretty high up in the theather but at least we were not that off-centered. Couldn't really see the facial expressions of the cast but what-to-do, we couldn't afford paying for more. Sigh.

But this never dampen my spirits to watch the anticipated musical. I was so excited, like some ghee-nah-knia like that. The show began and I wouldn't even dare to blink throughout that show. I was totally mesmerized by everything! So impressed with the sets, lighting and acting. And gosh, the singing was superb. These guys were damn freaking good and the songs simply held me spellbound. It's so cool that I can recognise and sing to most of those songs. Super anticipated and excited I guess. Haha.

So now is my chance to promote this once-in-a-lifetime experience to you. Please go watch it if you have the chance to. It's definitely worth the money spent. To be honest, I don't even mind going to watch it all over again. But I'll be super broke in the end. Haha. Ok enough craziness from me. What a dream come true for me. I felt so satiated last night and that I hope this feeling will last a bit longer...

2006-07-15T14:23:00.000+08:00

Sucky Job...

A friend of mine intro-ed me this job at Bugis. The company was holding a seminar and that they need manpower to run that event. They are willing to pay me $6/hr but the only problem was that I have to work from 5p.m. til 4a.m. Sounds crazy right? Yup, being so desperate for money, I went. My friend told me that it will be a no-brainer simple logistics job and true enough the first task I was given was to vacuum that seminar room. Nabe. Never vacuum before in my whole life and I had to vacuum that huge space with a lousy malfunctioning machine. Somemore I was asked to wear formal and be presentable. So by the time I finished that floor, I was already wet. Damn shit. Anyway, after that I was asked to do simple registration stuff. Sianz. By 7 onwards, all the guests would have arrived and that the seminar had begun, so I thought that I would have nothing much left to do. But wrong, in order to fill my time, they made me do something damn dumb - count forms. Nabe. So the lady passed me huge stacks of files and asked me to tally and count all the forms inside. Counting all the forms, they made me do some data-entry shit to kill more time. Sounds simple, but it wasn't at all. Imagine staring at the monitor for hours, perusing all those small words and key-ing in data at the right places. Nabe. Super sianz. After that interminable drudgery, the seminar finally ended. Cleared up a bit of tt place and off I went. I got my pay plus an additional nominal sum for my transport home. What a sucky job...

But that doesn't end there. They called me again to go there the following week, but this time I'll do a little different kind of chore - telemarketing. Nabe. You don't expect me to sound nice and sweet over the phone and to persuade people to sign up for more of those sucky long seminars right? But I went, again, for money. Sigh. They taught me the procedures and gave me all the information I need to know for the upcoming seminar. Sianz man. I called almost a hundred people that day. Of course, I called one by one very very slowly to kill more time. Since I wasn't given any commission for successful calls, I didn't give a shit of persuading the customers more. Most of the time, after hearing them said "not interested" over the phone, then I'll thank them in my heart and end the conversation; unlike other workers who would go on with the details and prizes to woo the customers. Rubbish. But I was fortunate enough to sit beside an intern there. She's woohoo - pretty, sweet and nice. So she alleviated my ennui a little. Hehe. Actually that whole office got huge ratio of pretty girls. Even the one who called me to work was not bad. Most of them seem to be in their late twenties. So thanks to those girls, I endured the work.

Yesterday was my third time there. This time, the company needs mostly guys because there were major slave-work to be done due to an impending huge event. So I was called down again. I thought that I'll be working with those pretty girls again, but no. Sigh. There were 4 other male part-time slaves like me. So throughout that day, I worked with them. We carried tables and chairs, arranging them, set-up plugs and many other lame tedious chores. The worst of all was goodie-bags packing. Nabe. Near 800 bags to be packed and gosh, damn tiring lah. I got a lot of paper-cuts and I kept bending down til my back hurt like mad. And after that 800 bags, we were told that that was only the 1st goodie-bag and we still have 2 more kinds to go. Nabe. The 2nd kind was relatively easier to do- 300 bags only. But the 3rd one was shittier, 700 bags. After packing and stacking, we had to clean up that area. There were hell lots of boxes lying around. We had to squash and dispose them like some rubbish-collecters. Nabe. I worked from 9a.m. til 8p.m. And by the time I was back in my room, my whole body started to ache. Argh. Hard-core slave man. Worse than being a gigolo. At least gigolo gets more money and do something way more pleasurable. Damn. My life is so screwed...

I'll be attending orientation from 16th til 20th. Another shagged thing. More than 10 people squeezing in a room-for-2. And with all the luggage and props, don't think I'll get any sleep at all for the whole 4 nights. I'll be zombied by the end of it. And after the camp, back to more of that screwed up slave work. Sigh. What a life...

2006-06-15T00:02:00.000+08:00

남자답게 (Like A Man) - Fly To The Sky

2006-06-12T12:25:00.000+08:00

This is no ordinary song - a sad Korean song sung by this Korean Pop Duo, FTTS. Of course, I can't make any sense of what they're singing but the enchanting melody straight away wooed me when I first heard it. The dulcet tone and the lugubrious vibe of the song never fail to give me the oomph whenever I play it. One of them has a sonorous voice, the ideal voice I yearned for. (Haha). But the other singer is also good. Their voices complement each other so well. Anyway, I went online to search for the lyrics and found this translation. To me, this rendition is so poignant and apt. Every line of it is so meaningful... The whole song is simply so satisfying... Before I over-rhapsodize this song, I would like to sum up my whole paragraph with an equation I just formulated:

enchanting melody + dulcet music + lugubrious mood + distinct yet mellifluous voices + complementary & euphonious harmony + poignant, apt & meaningful lyrics = ORGASM!!!

Like a man - Fly to the Sky
translation by: Jungie (also credit: aheeyah.com)

I'm so weak
and I'm a person of so many fears
Until now I hadn't known that, I had lived on not knowing
before you left me that is

Although I love you everyday
Although I miss you, even if I try to stop my feelings
Endless tears spill out
and for the first time I'm so unlike a man

My heart is as cold as ice
and in the end this love was worthless in the face of separation
Why did you want me? Why did you live inside of me?
The more I study you, the more I hate you

Although I love you everyday
Although I miss you, even if I try to stop my feelings
Endless tears spill out
and for the first time I'm so unlike a man

I can't forget you, even if you forget me
Because you'll the most special thing to me even
if my life stops because of my waiting for
you, my loving of you, and my wanting for you.

I don't have any regrets living like this
because I'm going to live as your man

2006-06-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

Sudden Loneliness...

An abhorrence. A feeling so bad that engenders one not only a pulsating heartache, but also interminable breathlessness... but why must mortals like me have to acquiesce in such an agony? Have I sinned too much?

The silence hurts my ears. The darkness blinds my eyes... Who can endure such wretchedness? Words simply can't verbalized as tears simply can't shed... There's no longer any meaning to go any further...

2006-06-01T15:51:00.000+08:00

Things tend to get more exciting when I’m going back, sianzzz…

Met up with Julian in the afternoon at Gurney. Nothing much one can do with another guy, so we went to watch X-Men 3. Pretty nice movie, but I expect much more from the battle scene and respective characters…

Anyway, later that evening, I went to Nicole and Melanie’s place for an awesome dinner. Derek too came for the feast. After the meal, we had some songs transferring and downloading. Haha. I was then ‘forced’ to drive them out for an ice-cream treat and after much cajoling, I relented. It was my first time driving them anyway, and they all know pretty well that my driving skills are still quite pathetic. Come on, I’m in Singapore practically all the time. So I went to fetch Bernard and head for Baskin Robbins (supposedly there was a 31% discount thingy). Unfortunately, that shop was crowded with people. Then the 5 of us went to McD instead. By the time we had our “second-class” ice-cream treat it was already midnight.

Then a thought came to the rest of them to go to the LAN shop. Wow. Lam Yuen Sean in a LAN shop? It will be my first time. Why not? I started playing dota since the dawn of this holiday and it will be a good chance for me to hone my skills. Then they guided me the way to that LAN shop and met up with Melanie’s boyfriend and his gang. We split into 2 groups: dota-players and CS-players. Then I tried dota with Melanie’s friends. Wow. They are pretty good. Felt so inferior to them, but amazingly my group of 3 won. Haha. A real fluke for me.

Uh oh. The clock struck 1 a.m. and I promised my parent that I must reach home by then. Ooppps. We quickly hurried off and I dropped Derek at Nicole and Melanie’s home, so that they can fetch him back as he stays rather far from me. I then drop Bernard back to his place and headed home. It was not only my first time driving past midnight, but also my first time driving alone. My parents were so worried and I knew that they’d be waiting for me until I’m back. Yup, my guess was right. I reached home at around 1.40 a.m. and my parents were still awake. I felt rather bad ‘cause my dad had to work the following morning.

As I have mentioned in my blog few entries ago, Penang is no longer a safe place to be in. They worried that anything could happen to me and moreover, I am still an amateur driver. But all went well lah, fortunately. To sum it all, yesterday was a great, fun day for me – the outings, the movie, the meal, the driving and, of course, the LAN game. Sigh, going back to Singapore soon. Dunno what is installed for me then…

2006-05-29T23:35:00.000+08:00

Your Life Path Number is 8

Your purpose in life is to help others succeed

You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character.
You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money.
A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing.

In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance.

You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision.
Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless.
You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

2006-05-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

Project Duck 2006

Since I got nothing better to do and that I have nothing better to write about, I’ve decided to prepare a financial report for myself over these 3 months of dreadful holiday. The following numbers will be my expected expenditure over the 3 months and that this project will grant me the “intention” in some measure, for me to earn, work and save. Considering I’ll be in Malaysia for about a month, the following calculation will be simplified and based on the remaining 2 months in Singapore.

Predicted Expenditure:

Payment of holiday stay in hall (3 months): $720
New handphone: $298
Food: $3 (approximately/meal) X 3 (meals) X 7 (days) X 8 (weeks) = $504
Groceries: $10 (approximately/shopping) X 8 (weeks) = $80
Transport: $2 (approximately/trip) X 3.5 (trips/week) X 8 (weeks) = $56

Lumped sum = $1,658

The value above this is MINIMUM I have to earn over the 2 months. It excludes outings, gatherings, special occasions, superfluous shopping, blablabla… It is a huge sum, and by selling my front and back alone will definitely not secure my financial status. Looks like I’ll be leading an austere, miserly life. Donations and sponsors to support this project are, however, cordially welcomed and greatly appreciated. All donations and sponsors will be channeled to Sean’s EXpenditure, Investment & Savings FUNd. The good cause of this organization will not be disclosed and any further queries will not be entertained.

2006-05-18T22:49:00.000+08:00

Living with Fear 2

Few days back, 6 aborigines robbed a friend of my brother. He was riding his bike home, around 11pm, and suddenly he was halted and surrounded by 3 other bikes. They claimed they were the local police and demanded him to show them his id. So, intuitively, he asked them for their id in return and they started bashing him up with their helmets. 6 v 1. They took all his money, hand-phone and also his house keys, and left him bleeding on his head and jaw. He went to the hospital immediately and had a total of 8 stitches. Fortunately, no major injuries were left on/in his head.

The story about my aunt in KL was also pretty scary. It was in the early evening when my aunt and 2 cousins were at home. That time, my female cousin was sick and had her medication, so she was sleeping in her room. Suddenly 3 Chinese men came walking down from the stairs towards the living room, where my aunt and my male cousin were. Apparently the burglars managed to enter the house through the roof, which I ‘til now don’t really comprehend. Anyway, the burglars tied both my aunt and cousin in the toilet. My aunt was so sick worried about her daughter, and she talked to the burglars, pleading them to take everything they wanted but leave the daughter alone. Luckily, the burglars kept their word and they left with the things they wanted. In cases like these, what we fear most is that they’ll harm the family. Some I heard will brutally attack, or even rape or kill the victims.

Another story I heard is contributed by atza and atzn. Robbers broke into the house of their relatives and held a knife on their aunt’s neck. They asked her to wake her husband up, but he was wise enough to pretend to be deep asleep, even though he was aware that their house was raided. The family was blessed and was spared. The robbers took what they wanted, leaving the family unharmed.

Just this evening, a sucker snatched my aunt’s handbag while she was still in a clinic! That fella wore a helmet and long-sleeves in order to be incognito. Yup, he was quick and he left, in his accomplice’s bike. An article in a local Chinese newspaper said, today, that Penang is no longer ‘safe’. Even newspapers of other medium are filled with such stories. Even the local police acknowledge the fact that robbery and housebreaking are so rife. What is the point of acknowledging when nothing is being done? Sucks man…

2006-05-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

Living with Fear

Back home and I realize that it’s not really a safe place to be in. For the past few days, my family only talks about robbery, swindle, housebreaking and others of that ilk. I heard many stories concerning people I know, and all those stories are simply frightening.

There are housebreaking accounts – the minor ones, like mine, occur when the owners were away/asleep, while some, the owners were threatened by armed robbers. The worst case I’ve heard so far is about my distant relative who stayed in US. He invited his apparent girlfriend over to his place, but she fooled him. That bitch secretly welcomed her real boyfriend to his house to steal stuff. Think that distant uncle of mine noticed him and ended up being brutally killed by that “boyfriend”. The killer and the accomplice were caught a week after the incident and he was actually just 18-years-old! The local police refused to let any of the victim’s family to see his body because he was badly, sadistically and repeatedly stabbed near the neck area. Sigh…

Most cases I heard where injuries or deaths are involved usually happen when the victim sees the wrongdoer and/or tries to fight back. These usually end up in the death of the prey because the predator will definitely be well equipped and he will definitely not let you disclose who he is. Such a sad thing right? There are cases too where the robbers threatened the victims with guns/knives and ended up killing them because there were little valuables with them. The burglars nowadays are so proficient. They raid the house skillfully, without leaving any blatant traces behind and can easily work on any kind of locks, windows, and grilles… They can even enter the house through from the top, i.e. through the roofs which I’m not really sure how, but it’s scary lah…

Conmen are also in the rise. I’ll briefly summarize this. Usually this concerns embezzling company’s money and also duping victims to buy/sell expensive items to them. One recent case happened to my dad’s friend, who lost a CRV. This is because that friend was lax about the proper procedures of selling the car to an unknown, who is currently not contactable and cannot be found. So a lesson learnt, whatever you legal thing you do with anyone, even if he/she is your best friend, it’s better to have everything written down and signed in black-and-white. It’s never enough to promise through mouths.

Recently there’s a case about armed passengers hijacking a bus. Apparently one of the innocent passengers was carrying a huge amount of cash to go to the hospital for an operation, but not a single cent was spared. These are just a handful of stories and I believe that there are way more, in terms of quantity and severity.

Some robbers even rob from beggars and worse, handicapped/old tissue-paper sellers. Shouldn’t a nation keep progressing? But why people are getting less and less humane? Argh, feel like expressing a damn long diatribe about it but it’s pointless. Hope that by now you more or less know the gravity of the situation. Do cherish your loved ones and protect them from these at all cost. Mishaps can happen to anyone, anytime…

2006-05-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

PENANG, Malaysia - A double-storey semi-detached house was raided around 4 a.m. last Wednesday (3rd May 2006). None of the occupants were alarmed and fortunately, none were harmed. The burglars entered the compound well prepared and equipped. They knew which direction to the bedroom on ground floor, which was then vacant. They pried open the window and removed the metal grill, effectively entering the room. The room was ransacked and nothing valuable was spared. They then headed to the living room and took a few items before leaving the scene.

The family found out about the burglary later that morning, much to their consternation. The list of items reported lost thus far - 2 laptops, 3 handphones, 1 digital camera, some amount of money... Also according to 2nd Mrs. L, a rather comprehensive collection of old coins, bank notes and stamps were also taken away, which is the blood, sweat and tears of the late patriach of the family. The weirdest thing, compounded Mrs. L, was that how on earth the burglars know the locations of some of the stolen items. Firstly, they apparently knew the direction to the only bedroom on the ground floor and that it was vacant. Also, they can easily locate the drawers and knew which selected drawers to be delved into. Their operation was done pretty stealthily and silently that no one in the family was awaken by it. The family dare not conclude anything from those mentioned above except that the burglars really did their homework; but however they are very convinced to enhance the security of their home and their family.

If you have seen, heard or learnt of anything regarding this case which may one way or another lead to solving this problem, please feel free to contact the writer of this article. Thank you.

2006-05-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

Post-Exam Entry...

Yup. This entry is totally redundant and useless. But I wanna make a point to write a review of the modules I took to some sort round off the semester. Just skip it if you want to (and I mean it). It'll just be my usual ranting and raving...

EG 1109 - Statics and Mechanics of Materials:
Rather interesting module for civil engineering. Since this is a 3-MC module, I was rather slack initially. Summore I did pretty well for my CAs :D eventhough I was quite unsure of the tested topic. Then I became a 'lil complacent and neglected the later chapters. Gosh they are much harder, and it took mee pretty long to catch up with the rest. I ended up rely on pple to do my weekly online assignments for me. So kudos to those to helped and provide solutions. For the exams, err, many parts were left empty. So now gotta pray hard that I can still do well for this paper lah...

EG 1413 - Critical Thinking & Writing:
You all should know how WELL I write. This is like another GP exam. Before the sem begins, I thought this will be my worst paper, but ended up quite ok. The bulk of it is the research project. Maybe I was paranoid initially, but in the end I realise my partner can work pretty well, just that he needs to talk more and be less shy. Moreover we're the only group in the whole class who did the project in pair, while the rest are in groups of three. Hero man. So 2 person doing 3 person's worth of work, which can be pretty scary when meeting datelines and stuff. But who cares, we scored pretty well for that project anyway :D. Well the actual horror is the final 40% writing paper. Think I am too dependent on my wife (iBook) to enhance my essays and stuff. So w/o my wife, I can safely say that I wrote an incomplete piece of trash for the exam. Screw...

GEK 1523 - Innovativeness in Engineering Design
Non-examinable Module. Woohoo. I love this module. We attend lectures to learn how things work, its origin and evolution and blablabla... But as expected, I ended up sleeping in the lectures anyway. This module is graded through tutorial attendance, and a minor quiz (which I skipped) and 2 major design projects. The 1st one was a solo project while the last one was pair-work. Generally, we have to come out with new innovative designs and then assess it and the usual blablablas lah. It hard to gauge how I'll do for this module since it's so subjective. Just wait, see and pray loh...

MA1506 - Mathematics II:
Yep. Rather complacent initially because parts of the requirements were already taught in my JC FM. So I was rather laid back until the terror topics appear. There are 2 chapters (out of 6) which I, til now, still clueless what's going on. Fortunately, we can bring in two help sheets and I just anyhow attack those formulas on the questions. Oh gosh, the paper is crazy. There's not enough time to complete it. I skipped a total of 4 qns (out of 14) and left 3 incomplete. This is one of my potential A paper but my chances for scoring this paper is ahem...

MNO 1001 - Management and Organization:
My first business module. Very dry theories to be learnt but fun interactive tutorials to have. I was assigned to a group of 6, and we are required to work with each other for the whole semester. I was blessed. I had such a good group, both capable and dynamic. We had so much fun whenever we meet for projects and presentations, and about 70% of our discussion is pure nonsense and gossips. Many pple came to us saying that we're the best group in class. Woohoo! We produce good grades too for my projects. Feel so blessed and it is definitely a good start for me to take more biz modules. I think I didn't do well for the final written paper though. I'm not the kinda person who writes and cocks in essays. There were few parts left undone here and there throughout the paper. So I think I'll screw up for this paper...

PC 1432 - Physics IIE:
Sucky compulsory module. All the topics I hate in Physics combined into one single module. Had such a hard time understanding it and catching up. One of my worst modules. Really find no reason in learning things like quantum physics, magnetic fields, wave theories blablabla... So the only method I adopt to tackle this shitty paper is to bang whatever equation I was forced to memorize. Ended up many parts still left blank in my final paper. So can really say byebye to this module. Haha. So yup this rounds off my semester 2 in HELL...

2006-04-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

If I Was The One - Ruff Endz

To listen to the song, please click on this Link...

I see the way he treats you,
I feel the tears you cried,
And it makes me sad, and it makes me mad,
There's nothing I can do baby.
Cause your lover is my best friend,
And I guess that's where the story ends.
So I've gotta try, to keep it inside.
You will never be, never be mine but,

If I was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
And if I was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If I was the one in your life.

If I could have just one wish,
I'd wish that you were mine,
I would hold you near,
Kiss away those tears.
I'd be so good to you baby.
You're the one I want next to me,
But I guess that's just not meant to be.
He's there in your life,
And he's sharing your nights,
It'll never be, never be right.

If I was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
And if I was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If I was the one in your life.

Yeah, baby.
I wanna reach out and view beside me,
Right here beside me, babe.
Take you in my arms right now,
Scream 'I love you' right out loud.
Some day I pray, that I'll find the strength,
To turn to you and say,

If I was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
If I was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If I was the one in your life.

If I was the one who was loving you, baby.
The only tears you'd cry would be tears of joy.
And if I was by your side,
You'd never know one lonely night
And if it was my arms you were running to,
I'd give you love in these arms of mine.
If I was the one in your life.

If I was the one, if I was the one,
In your life.

2006-04-13T16:14:00.000+08:00

The Yellow Crossroad...

Imagine you're driving along a seemingly endless road. It was at the break of dawn. You wind down your window, allowing the chilly wind to gently caress your skin, your hair... The warm orange light from the eager sun starts to glow softly against the formerly dim turquoise sky. Your radio activates, playing 'Solace' by Vanessa Mae while you're driving faster, and faster. You drive rather nonchalantly, knowing that there are no other vehicles on the road. As the car speeds up, you steal glances at the surrounding trees, sweeping past you like retrospective dreams and memories... and you decide to remain solemn and pensive the whole way through.

Just when you are getting so steeped in such sonority and obliviousness, you suddenly discern a faint yellow light at a distant front and you start to slow down. At a cursory glance, you thought it was the morning sun but after driving further, you realise that you're reaching a crossroad. You halt your car as you gaze directly at the yellow effulgence of the traffic light. Coincidentally, the wind stops blowing, the trees stop swaying and the music stops playing... The yellow presence continues to perplex you.

Its stark yellowness against the already pale blue sky, rendering everything else insignificant. A myriad of thoughts appears in your mind. You are confused and a tinge of apprehension begins to bite you. You are at another crossroad of your lifelong journey. You start to ruminate on the previous crossroads traversed... More often than not, you will just head straight without looking at the lights, thinking 'What is there to lose anyway?' or worse, not thinking about anything at all. Well, sometime you are just fluky. But in retrospect, after comprehensive scrutinizing, are you really happy with the decisions you've made thus far? Do you wish that sometimes you could turn back time to think more carefully before you act? To alter a silly past action and, by butterfly effect, end up somewhere... much better? Questions like these keep drumming in your head as you get more and more regretful and rueful about yourself...

But back in reality, you know that you are not going to waste your life by doing inane things again. And as one gets older and more mature by one's past experiences, one is more resolute in obtaining a wind-of-change for once - the direct safe path to your destination, and not the usual long and (probably) treacherous winding roads. You want to make sure that you don't choose the wrong paths again, as once embarked, there is little likelihood for turning back...

So this time, you are more vigilant and take heed of signs. The light, however, still shows yellow. What it means and what is it trying to tell you? Is the light faulty? Or is it waiting and allowing only the right vehicle to pass? You're back to your disconcerted mind. What should you do?

Disclaimer:
I'm currently in this quandary. I know that the problem is mine to settle but I need some advice as to how I should go about resolving it. Due to the confidentiality of this case, I'll try my best not to address it directly, so I've decided to use the crossroads and traffic light analogy. I know it's rather hard to put down in words, but I've tried my best in creating a scenario to the problem. Well, I will not say that the entry is highly coded as I've mentioned some parts rather explicitly (I hope). Anyway, I think that my readers are wise enough to decipher and understand the garbled text above.

Here are few options that I can choose:
(a) Continue to sit in my car and adopt the 'wait-and-see' attitude...
(b) Make a U-turn back, and head for somewhere else.
(c) Get out of my car and check if the light is really faulty.
(d) Heck the signs, just drive through...

The final decision is ultimately mine. But I really do cherish your comments and suggestions. Feel free to drop me anything at all. Thanks. God bless...

2006-03-01T22:45:00.000+08:00

Hey people,

This is nothing bohliau, unlike the rest. Hope you can spare me your 2 mins or so to help me complete this short survey. It is for my Critical Thinking & Writing Project. And yup, it's quite a heavy weightage component, so please try not to 'behdeh' so much in it. So, those who are Singaporeans and those who stay in S'pore for quite some time, please help me in this. Try your best to do it properly and sincerely k. Thank you very much!!!

Survey...

< click on the link above to proceed with the survey >

2006-02-24T10:30:00.000+08:00

Shattered Dreams...

I was having the most wonderful dream this morning... about something that I yearned for so long... about me achieving it... so near.... so freaking near... And then my phone rang!!! Argh!!! Come on, just let me continue dreaming for just one-more minute...

No doubt, it brought me back to reality. I was like cursing under my breath 'cause I woke up involuntarily. I answered the call and it was my aunt. She intends to pass me the food my mum asked her to bring back for me. Oh so nice, she said that she'll bring it to my hall in 20 mins time. I looked at the time. It was 9.15am So I quickly go wash up and brush my teeth and all. Then another phone call came...

It was my uncle this time. Oh no. My uncle. For some personal reason, he's the person I really fear to meet. So yup, he called. There's a change of plan. My aunt won't be coming at all, instead my uncle will bring the food to me. Also, he said that he doesn't know the way to my hall, then he suggested another landmark to meet - The University Cultural Center. Wow. Freaking far from my place lah. And the time to meet is 9.35am. Wow. I rushed like mad cow to the bus stop lah. It is definitely not going to be nice if I'm late in meeting this uncle. He's famous for his timing and stuff. So at the bus stop, I realised that the internal bus will not stop near UCC and that I have to walk a bit more to reach that place. Damn. I really dunwanna be late in meeting this regimental uncle of mine. So I took a taxi there...

Taxi? Yes, from one point of NUS to another, also in NUS. What a joke. So I reached there on time, costing me about $4. Argh!!! It was so early in the morning that there were no one in UCC except me and the security guard. So I leaned against a huge pillar, waiting for him. 10 mins elapsed and he's still not here. Amazing. That security guard kept casting furtive glances at me, as if I'm a terrorist going to bomb that building. Argh I hate waiting. Especially in such a morning when I'm still in sleeping-mode and that my stomach is starting to churn.

I slept near 5am last night. So I'll really appreciate it if I don't have to wake up so early and waste my time. One reason I hate waiting is because it creates time and space for me to do nothing else but to think. Yup, thinking sux. I kept wondering what will the outcome of my dream be if continue dreaming. Argh! I kept cursing to myself. Then I remembered something. That this uncle and my aunt once had a huge quarrel over me. Because my aunt treated me well and stuff, always do so much for me, but not for her other nephews/nieces of my uncle's side of family. Yup, jealousy. So no matter what, I'll continue waiting, despite my stomachache, for my aunt's sake.

He finally came. 25 mins after the proposed time. He explained a 'lil on his lateness, passed me the food and drove off, wothout offering me a lift back to my hall. Aiya, I don't really care lah. I walked to the nearest bus stop, which is not that near and came back to hall. I was sweating and feeling damn hot, thanks to the morning sun. After shitting, I just feel like blogging, writing down all my angst and all. What a good way to start my day.

Now I'm trying to go back to sleep. 1stly, 4 hours of sleep is really not sufficient for me and 2ndly, I really wish that I can continue with that dream of mine. Argh!!! Thinking of it makes me mad. For the past few weeks, I've been having nightmares and sleepless nights. Today is a miracle, I actually had a good dream. 10 seconds of a good dreams, which is then shattered by a morning call. Wow. Bye. Trying to sleep again.

2006-02-20T12:50:00.000+08:00

Bohliau

hey pple, feel free to help me do this short evalution about me. it won't take much of ya time. so come on and click the link below...

Sean is ...

thanks so much.

yours, sean.

2006-02-15T17:07:00.000+08:00

SPECIAL!!!
Pseudo-Date: Sean speaks out... (A Valentine's Entry)

14 FEB 2006 - A milestone in my life. Lam Yuen Sean finally went out with a girl. Oooo... Rejoice, people. Rejoice! Yep, big boy already mah. Hehe.

Ehhem, allow me to tell you what actually happened on that day. And here goes...

1AM: She wished me Happy Valentine's Day. Oooo... Then the whole conversation started. I wryly asked her whether she had any plans for the day. Surprisingly, no... but she had to study for her coming tests. But since I'm so convincing ;) and persuasive :D, I managed to ask her out for a meal, but on a friend-friend basis. Well, at least first step done!!!

2AM: Chris bugged me to jog with him. Yup, it was 2 a.m. in the freaking morning. Everywhere was so dark and gloomy, and the idea of two male weirdos running around the campus is so erm, queer? (double meaning there) Anyway, since I wanted to keep fit a 'lil before the "date", I yielded and went.

3AM: Came back and bathed. And as promised, I Skyp-ed with the twins from London. Full-of-shit people. Kept suggesting me to do this and that to impress the girl. Haha. The rest of the details will be kept confidential...

4AM: Zzz...

11AM - 2PM: Lessons, lessons, lessons. But some of my classmates gave me that kinda amazed look. Hehe. 'Cause I finally wear something nice for lessons. Few thought that I had presentation. Evil people, looked down on me. But some knows that I'm going out for a date. Hehe.

2PM onwards: Ponteng my 2-4pm lectures to meet up with her. Had lunch at my favourite restaurant (where else???), Thai Express @ Paragon. Amazingly, it wasn't packed at all. Haha. Such a nice place to have a meal 'cause the food is "woohoo". We talked about general stuff, punctuated with several shy-moments. Haha. Well, eventhough she may not be impressed by my laconic style, she looked pretty pleased with my food selection. Hehe. And yup, it was my treat. Amazing huh? It's so rare to get me to treat nowadays. After meal, we went shopping around and came to a shop selling perfumes and colognes. After much consideration, I ended up buying a set for myself and a bottle of perfume for her. (Gosh, since when Lam Yuen Sean is so nice???) Dessert time! We went to Haagen-Dazs to have my very first Fondue set. Yummy. They served cookies, fruits and frozen ice-creams with melted choc and strawberry syrup. Oh, something funny happened. She was biting this green apple coated with choc, then the juices suddenly squirted out and almost reached me. It was definitely an embarassing moment for her, but we kept laughing over it throughout the day.

5PM: We decided to call it a day. The "outing" was rather short, but I really did enjoyed it. It's so rare to go out with her. Sigh. I sent her back... til the entrance of her place. I didn't dare to enter any further. I don't know what else to say, so I hastily bade farewell and left off. Haha. So silly...

So that's my mini adventure. It wasn't a real date as we are not attached. Haha. She'll remain anonymous. Many of my hallmates are curious to find out who that mysterious girl I went out with. But I'm not gonna say it. Let it remain this way lah. Well, if you happen to see me and her on that day itself, consider yourself lucky and please please don't say anything...

Yours sincerely,
Sean XXX

2006-02-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

Super MIA...

Super long never blog... Nothing much happened lately... Apart from visiting relatives for CNY and went for the band reunion dinner, everyday follows the same routine... I'm so sianz... My life is just about catching up with my work, researching on the projects, hall stuff and YOUTUBE (my main form of entertainment)...

Tests are coming nearer and nearer... I'm still skipping lectures and not doing my tutorials... Haha... I don't think I can catch up with my work, unless I can split myself into at least 2 person... On top of all the academic and hall stuff, I still have to perform my room chores and laundry. So sianz... I need a maid to clean my room... Haha...

Ok... enough raving for now... this is a moribund blog... haha...

So long...

2006-01-16T12:41:00.000+08:00

Me against the world...

Staying in hall really taught me a lot of things that I need to know about the world... In retrospect, I realise that I was heavily sheltered and protected, and that almost everything in my life will go smoothly. No matter how difficult the situation I was in, I always had another way out of it. In other words, there will be a solution.

Now I feel that I'm left all alone, naked, in this cold, cruel world. Things start not to go as smoothly as I thought; and those things are definitely getting harder and harder to execute. I have to confess, that I was too complacent. Despite how hard it is to survive in this hectic world of uni-life, I must 'die die' go through it. It's my only way to learn more about the 'real' world, so that I can be more prepared when I'm working. I really don't dare to imagine how working life will be like, considering the sh*ts I'm currently undergoing... Haha...

Apart from the manifold workload, I also learn a lot from the people. Like what many people say - ''politics' is a bad word''. Haha. You'll meet a vast array of people - some are worthy friends who brighten up your day; and some can really pissed you off and spoil your day. But 'bohpian', you still have to 'befriend' them. Life is really sucky huh? Here, you'll see a lot of 'straws' - suckups... Those snobby people only talk to more 'important' people, oozing unctuous praises and form 'elite' groups among themselves. You'll meet such people everywhere. Well, they have noble reasons for behaving like that. Getting to know more 'important' people and getting to know the 'idols' better will definitely help them climb up the corporate ladder faster. Well, I have to agree that this is a way in the business world, but come on, don't over-do it. Sometimes the sight of it can be really disgusting.

Ok, enough rant and rave, must start studying now. I haven't open my books yet. Maybe now's a right time. It's Monday afternoon, no lessons today and no CCAs yet. So long and take care people. No matter how hard your journey is, always remember 'what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger'. Treat everything as a lesson point. Be optimistic and remind yourself that you'll be a better each day....

2006-01-09T12:23:00.000+08:00

2006 Resolution...

Academic:
Will be taking 6 modules this semester, instead of 5. Moreover, 3 of them are writing in nature, whereas last sem I had none. Thus, I may need to struggle a 'lil more, considering how 'well' I write. So, no games and tv for me for half a year. See how long I can endure. Also, now I'm having headache 'cos 2 of the modules clash in timetable and that both are pretty compulsary to attend. I'm still trying out ways to sort it out. I dunwanna throw away one of them 'cos I've wasted a lot of my points bidding for it. So basically, back to mugging mode again. It's like taking 'A' Level every sem. Sianzzz...

Finance:
Well, I really intend to work this semester, but super fat-hope. I have a freaking tight schedule to follow and I'm super lazy. Might as well use the time to sleep. The scholarship money is really nominal - just enough to buy a bottle of laxative and 2 1/2 rolls of toilet paper to wipe my ass. Haha, jk. There's so many things I wanna get. Hmmm. Maybe I'll put up a wishlist in my blog and see if there's any concerning friends ;) around. The rule is this: Get me any of these in order to continue our friendship... Haha as if. Damn good way to lose friends man. Syok. I like...

Hall:
This is my worst fear as of now. One culture group and three major committees. For Choir, the practices will begin soon and I heard there's a competition coming. As now is the Inter-Hall Games (IHG) season, most of the sports and commitees are involved. So in terms of workload, choir is not that bad. For Hall Deco & Creative Arts (HDCA), I missed most of the banner painting work due to the Dec holiday, but I'm involved in the installation and maintainance of banners and art pieces, and believe me, it's no easy work. The process can take up the whole day and you'll feel damn physically and mentally exhausted. There are frequent meetings now too. As one of the two graphic artists in the Hall Bulletin Board (HBB), I need to crack my head to come out with appropriate drawings and pictures. The worse part of this job is the tight timeline I have to follow. I'll be given a short period of time, after receiving the articles from the writers, to come out with something for each articles and more, and then send my masterpieces to the layout department to be processed. So, wish me luck in this 'cause this is my first time doing designing work for a rather large population to see and criticize. Last but not least, Video Production Team (VPT). Initially I was underestimating the workload from this committee. Apart from filming a total of 5 events from the many events of IHG, we are also required to edit each event. In other words, we have to re-watch what we filmed and choose the better portions and add effects and stuff to it. Each editing will roughly take 4-5 hours. Therefore, this is what I really fear for now. On top studies, I still have to execute all of the above and more that I don't bother to mention. So, basically I'm eating hall, sleeping hall and shitting hall...

Health & Fitness:
With my pathetic amount of rest, I dunno how healthy I can go (Refer to Sleep). I "intend" to jog at least once a week and swim once a week. The inverted commas are used because of its idealistic implication. Usually the frequency of me exercising is appalling due to the rainy season (excuses...) and my sheer laziness. Back to hall food and how good and nutritious can it be. Oh, I heard that stress can cause hair-loss. No wonder I'm balding so fast. Nabe.

Love:
Sigh. Another sad topic to cover. As you all know, I'm busy til mother-cannot-recognise. How to get attached? The most I can get attachment programmes or industrial attachments only lah. Too busy and lazy to work so hard for a girl. Have to put so much effort, time and money to get one, and much more effort, time and moeny to maintain the relationship. Even IF I can find the right one for me, I may not be able to spend so much time with her considering the amount of workload I'm laden with. So if any girl who doesn't mind my hectic schedule, withstand my erratic behaviour and noble enough to fight this war with me, feel free to fill up the "I WANNA DIE-DIE TO BE WITH SEAN" application form lah. Haha... (What a cheap way to get a girl, right? Haha...)

Sleep:
I just bought a new contour pillow, so that I can have a better sleep. Pui! My insomnia's back again. Must be the hall's fault. Back in Penang, I can easily sleep. But back here in hall, I just keep rolling left and right for hours. Must be the stress and worries that I'm undergoing too. Hell lots of assignments and activities from hall's side and that I set quite a high expectation for myself too. My brain just can't stop thinking and worrying. Really can't imagine what will happen when the real academic work rolls in - projects, researches, revisions, etc. Nabe. I'll be zombie-fied in no time. My panda-eyes are bad enough. Sigh.

2006-01-02T23:18:00.000+08:00

This trip back home to Penang is another poignant experience for me. Not only am I rewarded with my well-deserved rest and sufficient sleep, their concomitant dreams and nightmares were also given to me. For the past few weeks, I have been chased by the same kind of dream/nightmare. I really don't know whether it's a blessing or an ill omen. In my dreams, I see the thing I yearn so badly. Something that I really wish I could get my hands on, but I know that, and that I'll always remind myself that, it is impossible for me to have it. There's definitely a temptation which lures me to it, but I'll try my very best each time to remove it from my thought. What kinda weird fella am I? I even amuse myself about how silly I am at times. This entry will be a very personal one, for myself to reflect on, so it'll be a 'lil obscure as I would like to keep certain things confidential. In short, it'll be a entry for me to channel out my thoughts on the mental chaos I'm undergoing. If you feel that this really doesn't concern you and that you don't really bother about what it's about, please feel free not to read it...

In my dreams, it comes to me at times and sometimes, it avoids me no matter how hard I try to achieve it. I feel damn bad upon waking up, knowing that reality bites. Maybe I expect a little too much from myself and that's why I'm always disappointed with life and with myself. My past keeps haunting me, which is why I wanna work so hard to ensure that history never repeat itself. I still can't let my past go. I'm still holding them tenaciously, unwilling to let go. This is why so many people are progressing, while I am simply not. I always wish for a better tomorrow but everyday will just be the same thing. It's as if there's a routine programmed in my life. I really need something to spice up my life a little, but at the same time, I really don't know what to do. Feel really damn 'sian' sitting down and wait for that something to appear. I'm really tired. I'm on the verge of giving up too. All I can do now is to dream. To dream that I'm in the world I wish to be in. No more faux facade, no more acting, and no more dirty politics. So sleep more! At least one will see much more beautiful things in one's dream than in the tainted reality. So this will be my new year's resolution. I will do all the things I am programmed to do and will spend the rest of my time sleeping. Enough babbling for now. Too tired to write anymore. Being in the pensive mood for too long can be a bad thing. Before I end this thought, I would like to include an apt poem I chanced upon online.

REFLECTIONS
So many times we do not see,
that all of life is a memory:
Of days gone past both bad and good,
and so we dream, as dream we should:
But one should always keep in mind,
that a memory is a day behind:
Live for today with its joy and sorrow,
for today is the memory we dream of tomorrow
- Harry Conte

So goodnight, and if you're looking for me, meet me in my dreamland. Bye.

2005-12-24T23:23:00.000+08:00

An Uninvited Guest

Last night, when I was heading home in my family's car, a Chinese girl was standing right outside my house. She's more or less of my age, decent-looking and sweet, wearing some white blouse and a hair-band. From my distance, I could see that she was holding something white, like a huge file, but I couldn't really see clearly. I don't recall knowing her or anyone who looks similar to her. The scary thing was that she looked as though she was looking for someone in my house but apparently no one was in at that time.

My family can get very worried of these kinds of uninvited guests, as there were a lot of burglary cases in my housing area. Nevertheless, my dad opened our automatic gate so that we can enter the house. She cleverly moved to the side to allow our car to enter but she still remained outside watching us.

I quickly got down from the car, approached her and politely asked her if there's anything I can help. She told me that she knew me, and that she was looking me, which gave me quite a shock.

Since she was the only one there and the probability of her robbing my family looked unlikely. So I welcomed her in to my compound, but not into my house, to find out more about her. Only then I noticed that what she was holding was an iBook similar to mine. She then switched it on, and showed me the wallpaper.

To my surprise, it was a picture taken in a restaurant, with both of us in it, amongst other people whom I don't know. I was sitting in a table adjacent to hers, with her looking at my direction. Puzzled, I turned to her to ask her what this means. All she could say was that she wanted to know me more, as a friend, and she hurried to go off.

I stopped her to ask her to leave me her contacts. No one would believe me but I still don’t know her name up to that point. So I thought that by asking her to write down her contacts down, she might as well write down her name too. (I was pretty shy in asking her directly) So, I passed her my phone. She held my hand, gave me a weak smile and took the phone from me. This really gave me a chill, as if she was using this cheap tactic to touch me... Eeee...

Anyway, she returned me back my phone and she went off without saying anything. I also didn't care where she was heading after that. Her presence already gave me countless creeps. I then looked down on my phone and all she left for me was that her name was "Zag Dag"...

The following minutes, my mind, body and soul were completely filled with these - ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Anyway, that's all I have to say for now due for confidentiality's sake. For more information regarding this mysterious girl, feel free to approach me then.

2005-12-08T22:18:00.000+08:00

Balding Sean...

Yup, Sean is balding. It's in my genes and there’s no way for me to run away from it. My dad is balding, my brother is balding, and now it’s my turn.

Actually I only started noticing it when I was having my hair cut in this academy. The lady started telling me about sparseness of my hair. Hmmm. Sounds interesting to me for I never really realize it. Then the more she cut; the more she talked about my hair. This lady is really something.

So she continued to scare me with her new discoveries as she slowly explored my head. My hairline is receding and that my hair shed too much. Hmmm. Sounds fascinating and frightening at the same time. Actually, to my dismay, these are true observations. I noticed that I have quite some room above my forehead compared to my friends; and that my room surfaces are constantly carpeted with hair.

So in short, I’m doomed. I’m a goner. I barely reached my adulthood and why? Why? What have I done wrong? (Apart from laughing at those people who were balding.) This is my karma, people. So please, stop mocking people like me. If not you’ll become one of us. These are my last words for you, thank you for everything. I’ll remember all of you until the day my head becomes completely lustrous. Good bye...

2005-12-05T22:09:00.000+08:00

Going Home…

There were not many tickets available, except one for the morning and one for the night. And since the morning coach is an 18-seater, and not the cramming 24-seater, I’ve decided to try it out – My first morning ride home.

On the day before my departure, I got pretty busy with myself. Since I woke up pretty late, many hours have been wasted. I dragged Eric (my neighbor) to follow me to Bukit Timah for lunch. It has been so long that I last had such a good lunch @ Tender-fresh Chicken in Coronation Plaza. Then I went back to ‘The Hwa Chong Institution Boarding School’ to collect my belongings from Johannes.

The whole afternoon was wasted. I had to rush back to hall for my last minute Video-editing workshop. It was pretty fun and educational. After dinner at PGP, I’ve decided that I should start my packing chores before it’s too late. But I ended up playing some lame online games. About 10 plus, Chris came in to my room and started disturbing me as usual. Then Grace dropped by to have some chitchat. Both of their presence then attracted TzeYee (Zee) to come over to my room too. So the 4 of us made hell lots of noise til about 1 am (and I still haven’t finish packing my stuff). Chris and Zee tempted me to go for supper and we met up with Shili and Huilian at the prata shop. And gosh, time really flies. By the time we got back to hall, it was already 3 plus.

Sigh, I’ve decided not to sleep for the whole night then. 1) I’m afraid that I can’t wake up and will eventually miss my ride home. 2) If I do sleep, then I may not be able to sleep in the bus, which may be a pretty shitty thing to go through. 3) I still got many episodes of Bleach to catch up. So after supper, I went to Chris’s room to continue chasing that anime. I left his room at about 6 am. And I went back to my room to do my last minute packing.

I called for a taxi at around 7:45 am. I reached the bus station quite early and I was pretty eager to go home. So the bus came in the end and woohoo, I can finally get some sleep. The journey was damn shitty with the warm afternoon sun shining on me and it was just too bright for me to sleep.

I reached Penang at 7 pm, as promised. But I was starving and shagged. Daddy and Mummy picked me up and we fetched Grandma for dinner. Phew, home sweet home. I finally had my earliest sleep – 10 pm! All the way ‘til 11 plus the next day. It is what I call Life, which I find lacking in S’pore. I’m gonna eat so much and sleep so long. Woohoo! I’m turning fat again. Haha. But now I gotta plan what I’m gonna do for 1 month. Rotting may be fun, but can be very boring at times. See how things go lah. My home Internet connection is appalling too. Sigh.

Ok, got to go back to my tv. There’ll be more of me soon. Tata.

Regards,
Me.

2005-11-30T01:37:00.000+08:00

Synopsis of My Exams...

It's finally over and I'm pretty relieved for now. It has been a while since I last blogged. Haha. Exams can really distort one's modus operandi. Anyway, this entry is just to inform you people (whether you're interested or not) regarding the papers I took. Well, it's more for myself to unwind what I went through for this whole semester in NUS. So if you're not keen in listening at all, can kindly go off as it may get a 'lil too dry...

C Programming Practical Exam:
This was a real killer. Come on, this module's very new to me and that I don't really like computer-related stuff. So, it took me months to understand the 1st few chapters. Moreover, my laptop came late. So there's no way for me to have some hands-on. For the bi-weekly practical sessions, I ended up getting help from pple to do the programme for me. Only at the last session, I tried to complete it by myself w/o any assistance. As expected, I ended up asking pple for help. For a supposed 1hr45mins practice, I ended up spending about 9 hrs on it. See how screwed I am, but I know of other pple who are more screwed than I am. For the actual practical exam, I only did less than 50% of the whole question. I took me so long to come out with the right way to solve the 1st part. Well, it's over...

C Programming Written Paper:
Quite a lot of the later chapters came out, which I'm still blur of what were going on. Haha. I finished the paper quite fast, 'cause I left many parts blank :D So if I'm given more time, they'll still be left blank. Sianzzz. It was an open-book exam somemore. Haha. I'm an idiot.

Physics and Maths Papers:
A lot of unexpected questions came out that really flabbergasted me. They're so different from what I usually practice in tutorials and previous exams papers. Well, this should be the right way of doing things - come out with fresh new challenging questions and not recycle the old ones. But because of this, I left many parts undone. So pray hard everything else went well.

Electrical Engineering Paper:
I had little practice on the later few chapters. The parts on AC power frequency and power correction were very confusing. Well, for this paper, you have to rush and complete as many questions as you can, 'cause each question requires you to think a lot. Eventhough circuits thingy may not be my forte, and that I have to compete with all the Electrical Engineering students, I still see some hope in this paper. So pray hard...

Physical Chemistry Paper:
My last paper! It's the END, both the paper and me. I have nothing against the module but I seriously hate the way it was taught. Those like me who doesn't bother to attend any lectures had such a hard time understanding the abysmal notes. The recommended text book is also damn hard to comprehend. Both the lecturer and the tutor can't teach for nuts. My tutor was even unsure of himself during tutorials. My morale reached its nadir whenever I study for this module. Oh, I failed the mid term for this paper. Maybe this did serve some sort of motivation for me to buck up. Amazingly, I can do most parts of the paper today. I'm pretty pleased with myself. However, due to my bad results for the mid-term test, my grades will surely be dragged down like mad. So feel a 'lil apprenhensive lah.

Haha. Some pple maybe cursing me now. What the heck am I saying all these, and then suddenly ended up with good grades? Haha. Well I really wish lah! Nothing has gone right for me so far since I enrolled in NUS. And since this is the 1st time we're having this exam, I really don't know how good our cohort is. At least for my engine faculty, it's well-known that pple MUG ang PNIA like mad cow. So, too bad. Then some will curse and complain that they did far worse than I do. Well, this is my blog, so I write what I like. If you behsong, go and write in your blog lah!

Uni-life can be a real POS. The thought of mugging so hard for the exams really frightens me. Imagine having A Level Exams in every 6 mths for 4 yrs straight. Go and die! Haha. To be honest, I mugged here much more than I mugged during JC. And Uni-life is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Crap... Ok more of me and my complaints about life soon... For those who ended their ordeal, good for you; and to those who are still going through the sh*t, all the best! Bye!

2005-10-28T15:28:00.000+08:00

So funny...(Edited)

I chanced upon an unknown blog, and to my surprise, that blog has one of my previous entries in it. He/She posted my original entry at his/her blog, without my consent at all. So I'm quite stunned lah. Actually part of me feel quite good lah, knowing that there's actually someone posted my writing in his/her blog. But on the other hand, I feel sorta amused by her remark on my entry. "Didn't know that asean scholars could write such stuff...". What does this mean man? Haha...

But at least he/she did put my link in the blog. So I feel a 'lil acknowledged, in a way. He/She also stated that he/she came across my blog through his/her friend. So I would really like to know who the friend is.

Anyway, everything is settled now, I hope. Haha. Not to worry. If you had seen my pre-edited entry, well, good for you. If not, then too bad lah. Think I was pretty harsh on my words earlier. Or maybe I sounded pissed or something. No lah, I'm not. It's just the way I say things. Haha. I still think that this whole thing is so funny... Haha... :)

2005-10-21T02:19:00.000+08:00

Withstanding Inclemency...Alone...

It's so cold... bone_chilling cold... at night... at nights... in my room... all alone... when the whole world was asleep...

---------------

I should be able to sleep well, very well in fact, considering that I have been whining so much about the heat in my room that contributed to my insomnia some time earlier. I should be grateful that the season had changed to a much cooler one. Come on, how often will we get such a good weather in Singapore?

---------------

It rains almost everyday during this period of time. And the night breeze is real chilly. Perversely, I opened the windows to welcome the irregular guest... But they greeted me... coldly... and their motion agitates the blinds, causing them to move wildly, and make uneven clanking sounds, like a wind chime...

The room is dark and gloomy, except for some dim rays of light penetrating through the blinds. On my bed, I stare blankly into the ceiling and at the rotating fan... thinking that my life is also perpetually turning round and round... without any direction...

My mind will then start venturing into the various aspects of my life... from my childhood to my family... from studies to my friends... from human nature to politics... from happiness to angst, and sadness... sadness... that simple word will just keep reverberating in my mind... then I'll start asking myself the same few questions: Why am I always feeling sad? Why can't I just turn back time and right the wrongs I had done? Why do I have to go through all these sh*ts?...

Since young, I have been wishing to create something (anything!) that can transport myself back in time... I have been adopting this pessimistic persona since dunno when. The movie 'Butterfly Effect' further motivates me that there's a possibility to re-live one's life. One sad thing about this life is that we can live only once. Imagine if we can just re-live our lives, knowing what one'll not make those stupid mistakes again. Everyone will then be happy. Which will make you happy too. And that everything will go smoothly and... ... ...

The shiver draws me back to the reality again. I'm still in this cold lonely room. My clock reads 4:17 am. Gosh. I force myself up to shut the windows but the wind keeps insisting on coming in. So, I relented. I walk on the cold tiles beneath my feet to have a sip of my chilled water. Then I lie back on my bed again. It's just so cold and even my comforter is no longer rendering its warming service to me. Nonetheless, I just wrap myself up with it. I don't know why but I perversely enjoy the cold.

I really don't mind the coldness in my room. But what really matters, is the thought that I am lacking of something - Warmth Deficiency. Lacking of the warmth of the person lying next to me. I yearn for that kind of warmth whenever I see her sleep so soundly, breathing slowly and gently. I miss her cozy embrace and the soapy smell of her hair. What I love most is when she unconsciously shifts left and right in my arms. She even smiles when she sleeps... So beautiful... So warm... so...

---------------

Wake up LAM YUEN SEAN!!! I wandered too far off this time... this is what usually happens when I'm in the room, alone, and my mind is just too active... I can even dream without sleeping... Haha... Silly me... As you can see, I really can't think properly at this point of time. I don't even know how to end this entry. So the ending is pretty adrupt. Sorry about that. Maybe next time I can write about something more R(A). Haha. If I have the time and the mood of course. No worries, I am not desperate for love. I just feel like updating my blog and practice my typing skills before I sleep. So, Good night people! And sweet dreams!

2005-10-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

Something positive... (As promised)

After the state of turmoil I went through recently, all the bad things seems to taper off, for good. At least I felt that my prayers were answered to some extent...

Today (Saturday) was a very special day for me. Went back to NJ for its OPEN DAY. Saw some of my old JC friends and juniors. Then came back in the late afternoon to continue my sleep. Haha. Woke up and did some work. Read an article from the net. I was feeling rather down until my old friend chatted with me online for quite some time. Then another old pal came in to replace the earlier one to start another chat with me. (Haha. I'm using a lot of anonymities here. Sorry for that.) He (the latter) then persuaded me to watch tv to distract myself (something that I'm trying to eschew, 'cos I'm afraid that I may get hooked.) Anyway, I watched something in the end. The chinese show was already halfway shown but I continued watching w/o knowing what was happening earlier on. The movie was lame but has a lot of meanings to it...

The paragraph above is not just a list of what I did for the day, but they symbolise the pieces of puzzles of what I was searching for all this while. My outing today did clear the clogs in my mind, which made me rethink the way I think. My senseless conversations with my old friends too opened many doors for my once caged-up psyche. Also, the article I read and the movie I just watched had so much association to my life. I learnt a lot from all these as I piece everything up together and now I can see a clearer picture of what I really want in my life. Well, things just don't happen overnight. But there's this sense of euphoria surging through me, telling me that I'm starting to move in the right direction.

I fully understand that this entry is super vague and ambiguous as it may sound. But not to worry. Once I get the COMPLETE picture of what and how my life will be, things will be much simpler. And definitely much happier. It has been so long that I last felt so happy and satiated, eventhough it maybe ephemeral. And before I put more question marks to your head, I think I should stop babbling now. Don't ask me why for I am not sure myself. Hope that this feeling I'm having right now is a harbinger of a brighter future to come...

2005-10-14T20:26:00.000+08:00

Another apt song that reflects what I'm undergoing now. I don't know why, but last night I felt damn terrible. My heart ached sporadically and that I couldn't breathe properly. Maybe my sleeping disorder has something to do with it. I don't know. If this problem persists, I'll have to consult a doctor or something. But whattodo, life still goes on...

Breathe Easy - Blue

Cruel to the eye
I see the way he makes you smile
Cruel to the eye
Watching him hold what used to be mine
Why did I lie
What did I walk away to find
Oooohhh...why...oooh -- why...

CHORUS
I... can't breathe easy
Can't sleep at night
Till you're by my side
No I... can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

Curse me inside
For every word that caused you to cry
Curse me inside
I won't forget, no i won't baby,
I don't know why (don't know why)
I left the one i was looking to find

Ooh -- why...ooooh, why -- why...

CHORUS

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for
Ooooooohhhhh -- tell me why
Oh won't you tell me why
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

I... can't breathe easy
Can't sleep at night
Till you're by my side
Coz i can't breathe easy

I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

There's no air...

2005-09-30T03:49:00.000+08:00

Insomnia...

It has been more than a week, that I am suffering from my worst-case insomnia... just look at the time I'm writing this and I'm still so awake! Something is seriously wrong but I've tried many ways to rectify it, but all are futile...

I have been sleeping at around 4-5 plus daily, and started to skip morning lessons. This trend of sleeping late is pretty detrimental to my health. I feel generally lethargic and sleepy at all times. I don't even have the energy and concentration to do anything. It all started last week, when I was mugging for my C Programming with my friend. Both of us were in another friend's room, getting some last minute crash-course session before our test. So we ended the session at around 4 plus a.m., and I actually got to sleep at around 5. The following few days was quite a bad experience for me. I no longer can sleep early.

I usually switch off my lights at around 1 plus 2, but actually get to sleep at 4 onwards. I tried so hard cajoling myself into sleeping, rolling left and right. Arghhh!!! Nothing works. So I tried listening to slow songs before sleeping which never work. I even tried to tire myself by having a long walk around NUS. So I bathed and ended up feeling more refreshed. Damn. I also tried to turn my attention to my books and notes, which by right will have some soporific effect on me. I ended up closing the books 'cos my mind simply can't absorb anything at all. My friends recommended me to try aromatherapy, which I may consider trying. Just scared that either I may sound the alarm in my room, or ended up killing myself in the unattended flames, which will eventually put me into sleep for good.

So if any of you who got good suggestions for me, so that I can rectify my sleeping disorder asap. This thing will, sooner or later, kill me insidiously. I yearn to sleep but just can't. The problem is also that I can't do anything productive with my half-dead state of mind. I'm just so so screwed lah. So I decided to update my blog, after so long of disappearance. Haha. Sick and tired of this world, really...

(I would like to apologies that since I came to NUS, I seem not to write about anything good or positive at all. Well, this place is slowly sucking my soul out of me. I'm already no longer who I am or used to be. I don't know what I'll be become soon. Haha. Living dead I guess. Anyway, I promise to write something positive soon. To sorta neutralise the morbidity of my blog. I'll try k. Auf Wiedersehen und gute Nacht!!! (GoodBye & GoodNight!!!)

2005-09-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

Updates 'bout me:

Academic: slowly catching up now. but the rate is still pretty bad. must try to get my printer soon, so that can print my notes asap. all i need is time and guidance for some of my modules. still clueless for my chemistry and programming. i really need help leh. fortunately, there's a 4-day holiday so that i can have some quality time with my notes. the mid-term test is directly after that. so wish me luck lah. haha...

Finance: super super bad. have been spending a lot on official/unofficial hall stuff. gatherings and more gatherings will soon deplete my account. also, for the msian night thingy, i paid for most of the things, and we still can't collect enough funds to cover everything. so die lah. it's as if i'm donating this huge sum to the event man. cannot man. must go chase them aleidi...moreover, i'm in need of huge sum of money for my, ahem,... for something lah... need to collect about 2-3k like tt...by early next yr if possible... so pls be nice and donate... haha

Hall life: things are going pretty fine now, considering most of the activities now are less intensive. choir practice is twice a week, think i can manage that part. i'm trying out swimming tml, see if can get into the subs team lah. haha. hmmm, since i don't really have any close fren in my block yet, still feel out-of-place at times. see how things go loh. but things are slowly improving lah, i hope...

Health: bad. turning worse and worse. every night sleep later than 2 am. then have to wake up very early for my lessons on the next day. always sleep in class n lectures. the food in hall sux too. sick of the same breakfast everyday. so i'll try to skip them, if possible. still so unfit. no time to exercise at all, eventhough i applied for the membership in my hall gym. haha. die man...

Love life: NIL. haha. no time lah. i'm always involved in one-ways. either she likes me and i don't like her, or the other way round. haha. anyway, enough about this issue...move on...

Social life: super long nvr hang-out with my old frens. really hope i have the time to. i super sucky at managing time now. i nvr really go introduce myself to the new faces i see in hall. so can say i'm a lil anti-social kind lah. haha. however, i'm glad that i'm quite close to my og mates and we regularly meet each other. so this will keep my spirit in hall going on...

2005-09-09T12:36:00.000+08:00

Never feel so stressed up after so freaking long...

Planning for the Msian Gathering can be a real pain in the ass. I just feel so sick and tired. I'm no longer a happening person. If possible, I won't even go near anything that requires working with people and politics. I hate people more and more, and more and more people. Some can even 'bohchap' about their responsibilities and leave their job to the rest of the members. Damn irresponsible and selfish lah. If you need to study, then why freaking bother to accept the offer to be in the committee at the first place?

Speaking of studying, the rest also need to study what. Til now, I barely can understand what the 'tut' the lecturers and tutors talk about. I've only completed 2 tutorials up to date. I haven't even start flipping through my notes or books. I can't settle down at all. Why? just to serve the freaking community lah. Sometimes I thought to myself, why bother. But since I promised to take on the role as the head for this directionless project, I'll have to do my best for it. I'm just demoralised by my members. Something is wrong, seriously wrong and I don't know what to do about it and what is the right thing to do. Tmr is the day, the day when we are supposed to put up a good show for the seniors. They are eager to see what we are up to and they are expecting a lot. I dare not show my face on that day, honestly, cos nothing is being done...yet...

My committee and I already held more than 3 meetings to meet the juniors, and guess what? less than 10 came, out of 27. We seriously can't progress like that. Everyone just gives excuses and stuff, and my ears are too numb to hear the same thing over and over again. But I feel quite glad, cos we are not doing the large scale concert this year, if not, we definitely can't put any decent item on stage, in front of the audience who pays ticket money just to watch us, making fools of ourselves.

I think I can be stressed easily, until I can't sleep for the whole night. I just woke up and I decided to ponteng lessons for today. This is not the 1st time though, I'm just too tired to attend any classes. So this is why I don't intend to join any planning committees anymore. I wanna be a tabula-rasa, a blank slate, and start my life all over again...

However, I would like to take this opportunity to thank WingKen and Syeling for working much much more than they are required to. I feel very fortunate to have them in my team. They can seriously do work, do high quality work while meeting the datelines and stuff. I'm very happy and pleased with them. They even stayed up late to help me with the planning, while the rest decided to MIA to study, eventhough they have other things to do for the next day. You are the people that motivates me to work harder. So thanks a lot! Also, I would like to thank Kyle for single-handedly handle the gifts side. Thank you so so much! Pretty impressed with your work, keep it up!

I'll be busy planning and sourcing out what else to do for tmr. So if I'm still alive, I will try to meet my friends soon. To get back my life. My selfish life.

2005-09-03T14:01:00.000+08:00

Sick & Tired of this world...

Supposed to study, but simply can't concentrate at all. So decided to blog, again...

Dunno why, I just feel I'm not suitable to be part of the hall, my hall. I just don't feel belonged at the moment, maybe because I'm not good at any sports or anything. I'm just not a contributor lah. I feel that the hall life is pretty hectic for me. Eventhough, I have tried to avoid some of the practices and all, I still feel very tired and shagged... I am currently not feeling well and each time the seniors try to persuade everyone to go down and support, I'll tell them that I'm either not feeling well or busy. Then some of them will gimme that kind of sour faces... Sianz...

I usually sleep at 2 plus am, and I seriously think I got insomnia. I can't find time to study and even if I do have the time, I don't have the desire to study. My room is just not conducive for me. Moreover, it's freakin stuffy and warm. I'm freakin behind time for every module and I think I was over-pampered by NJ. The independant learning in NUS can kill me sooner or later. I'm not used to finding out what I'm supposed to do and stuff, I still need people to remind what to do and stuff... Sigh...

KRH is gonna kick me out sooner or later. I just a phantom-wannabe. It's so hard to gain points to stay in the hall. I dunno what CCAs to join too. The only CCAs that interest me are those not in hall. And if I wanna continue to stay in hall, I have to at least join more hall CCAs. I thought that one can do whatever one likes once in uni, got more freedom and stuff. Sigh, it's not that true in hall loh. Have to conform to everything they do. Also you have to make them like you so that they can make ya stay. Politics... Sick of it...

Moreover, in order to get more points, one has to climb up the leadership ladder. For me, I just wanna do the things I wanna do. I no longer wanna see the 'facial colour' of others, and do the things they want, rather than to do the things that'll make me happy. Sick of hostel's life and sick of seeing ugly facets of people. That's why I wanna be a fresh new 'blank slate', like what one of the seniors said to my face. I just wanna be myself. Wanna do the things I like. Wanna chase my dreams... And not to be bounded by any unnecessary responsibilities...

However, staying in hall may be a good thing after-all. I get to know more people, and there'll always be people around you, so one will not be lonely. Also, they can also help one another in times of need. For instance, I couldn't complete my C Programming online assignment last night, and few friends of mine were kind enough to help me out. This will not happen if I stay in a place like PGP. I'm still considering whether should I apply to PGP, where the requirement for CCA points is less. Then I can have more time to study. Hmmm, really see how lah... still waiting for miracle to happen...still waiting for my angel to shine on my path... still waiting...

your pessimistic foe,
SeanLam... in search for the reason for my existence in this stinking world...

2005-09-03T13:13:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday and Happy Chinese New Year, Lam Yuen Sean!!!

Chanced upon the 2006 Calendar and got a lil shocked by what I saw. 29th January 2006 : 1st day of CNY and coincidentally my B'day (can say it's the 1st one in my lifetime). Haha, feels like striking a lottery. However, I feel pretty ambivalent too. Hmmm...

Scenario 1: Can't go back to Penang due to some responsibilities in Singapore. As usual, pretend that there's no CNY and no B'day celebration. Also, the CNY holiday is at most 2 days long, and taking bus home and back to S'pore will take up one of the days. So if I don't go back, it can save me the agony of travelling such a long distance and I may use the time to study and get my CAP of 5.0 too. Maybe I can date some of my S'porean friends to go out, but they may not be able to make it simply 'coz it's CNY. Sigh.

Scenario 2: Rush back to Penang, by hook or by crook. Can collect DOUBLE ang-pows!!! And eat good food!!! But back in Penang, I virtually got no more close friends, either they'll be overseas; or can't come out, once again, 'coz of CNY. But this option is pretty hectic on me, as in I go back eat and collect ang-pows, then I'll have to leave immediately back to S'pore for lessons. Sigh.

Haha. Am I too thick-skinned to talk bout this issue? Haha. 'Beh Paiseh'. Come to think of it, I'll be 21 next year! An adult! Eligible to do many many things already like... ... ... Anyway, before I digress too much, this thick-skinned friend of yours will put up his WISHLIST 2006 soon!!! Muahahaha... If you still wanna be his friend, and you still want him to talk to you, you can 1) fulfill AT LEAST one of his wishes AND/OR 2) contribute to SEXISFUN - Sean's EXpendIture/Spending FUNd, with a minimum contribution of S$ 50 only. So thank you once again for your effort to bother to read this piece of crap.

Sincerely yours,
Sean
Fuhrer of SEXISFUN

2005-08-21T00:02:00.000+08:00

Finally Get To Go Out...

Had Inter-Block Soccer Game this morning, but don't worry, I only went there to support, I can't play for nuts. Anyway, it rained halfway so I went back to my room to sleep. I was waiting for KahMeng to call me (wake me up) so that we can go for the Birthday Party together. So he did wake me up in the later afternoon. So I went to PGP so that I can wait for him to settle his cover letter thingy. Damn sian. Haha.

Finally, he's done, after hours of planning and writing. We headed off to Holland Village. Gosh, I was a super suaku lah. It was my first time there actually, and I came to S'pore, like 6-7 years ago? Haha. Damn dumb. Anyway, met Selvi (the Bday Gal) and Tessie (Extra Gal). We went to a high class expensive restaurant. It was so so nice. The ambience was superb. It's just so romantic there - the lightings and the songs were so so nice (my choice of sad songs of course). And the food was marvelous (and dearly as expected). The best part was that the dinner was Selvi's treat, so three cheers and three cheers and three cheers for Selvi!

We had so much crap to talk about, from dumpsites to marriage and giving birth. Errr. Oh before I forget, I'll bring my girlfriend to this place, if I have one soon. Haha. There was a live performer there who sings oldies and nice love songs. He sings damn well, as if the songs were played through a player or something. We were so reluctant to leave that place man. So, to my future girlfriend, ahem, be prepared of what you'll go through. So enough of my crap. I'm super full now to sleep so decided to listen to some songs before I go to bed. So that's the summary for my day. What a pretty nice day...

2005-08-19T22:46:00.000+08:00

Things are getting better finally...

Hmmm... the IBG trainings can be pretty intensive. In my whole 20 years of living in this stinking world, I never play/train so hard before for sports. This is definitely a new experience for me. As you all know, I'm never good at those things, especially ball games and such, but most people here are generally nice to me, as in they are willing to teach and guide me, rather than scold or alienate me. So I feel kinda happy lah.

This whole period is quite 'shiong' for me, as if I have just enrolled into a sports school. I wake up very early for trainings and there'll be more trainings in the later afternoons until late evenings. If I can tahan at this rate, woohoo, not only will i lose weight and keep fit, I may look hotter too. Haha. Just joking, pls dun puke...

I can talk/crap more with more of my seniors, especially those staying in the same floor. Some may look evil, but they are generally very nice people inside. Slowly, I hope, I get to know more and more people, especially from my block. I'm super proud and glad that my fellow OG friends are still pretty united. Think we are the only surviving OG that still go out for midnight supper. Some of us also gather to talk cock and gossip also. Haha. So fun.

Oh guess what? I failed my A Cappella audition, as expected, but I got into the KR Choir. Woohoo! I think I should sing more now. Haha. Be prepared world. Anyway, enough crap now. Gtg now. Need to find out whether there's another OG supper going on. To all my old friends, be patient. I'll meet you all really soon. Take care and love always.

2005-08-15T10:06:00.000+08:00

Sigh, Sigh and more Sighs...

Currently, my block (A-Block) is super active in preparing us for the coming Inter-Block Games. And as a member of the block, we have to join at least 5 different kinds of games. As you all may know by now, I, was and am, never good at any sports. The trainings can be pretty tiring for some, especially for a slacker like me who had so much fun cocooning at home and not exercising for so long. My fitness level is in a pathetic condition now. Sigh...

Oh, the KR choir audition for me is tonight! And the KR acappella's audition is tomorrow! So soon lah. These auditions are for real, as in they will determine whether one really gets into the cca groups. Die lah. I never have any experience in singing at all. And I dunno which song to sing for them during my audition also. Sigh...

My stress level is slowly ascending. So far, I still don't have any textbooks nor notes to study. And last week, I 'ponteng' my 1st Physical Chemistry lesson, due to some stupid reasons. (I got cajoled by Chris into following him to buy flowers for his date, and I ended up buying a bigger and more expensive bouquet, than his, for my date.) Anyway, there's a book fair today and I hope that the 2nd-hand books there will be reasonably cheap. I seriously can't afford to pay so much on notes and books every semester. Sigh...

What's worse? There's this tradition in KR that all Malaysian freshmen have to organise an event to promote our culture to everyone. There'll be performance and also food! HOWEVER, there's ZERO funds for us to begin with AND that the master of the hall is not very keen in having the event this year. THEREFORE, we have to convince him (which is a pretty tough job) to have it. ALSO, we already have countless of non-stop activities going on in the hall and adding one more pretty large-scale event like this will further wear me out. MOREOVER, this event is not a legal one, in simple terms, there won't be any points or credits given to us. FURTHERMORE, Lam Yuen Sean is voted/appointed to be the Chairman of this ad-hoc non-beneficial committee. GOD, please Bless Him. Sigh...

Enough of my sighing already? I'll only sign and confirm my computer loan thingy this friday and they'll take at least 3 weeks to process and only after that, I'll get my new laptop. Haha. I'm so so screwed. Wish me luck for my C-Programming. Moreover, I don't even know who to use Mac. Die! Die! Die!

Anyway, I'm super glad to hear that AQUA won the NE Trophy this year. Haha. I just feeling damn proud of the new batch. I'm like a selfish parent hoping that my children will achieve my dreams for me, since I can't achieve it myself. Haha. I'm going nuts already. Think I should rename my blog to A SEANorrhean ASYLUM instead. Anyway, got lecture soon. gtg. Hope to hear from you guys again. Love, muackz!

2005-08-10T12:25:00.000+08:00

Super Lazy To Do Anything At All

Just woke up and had my MS (Morning Sh*t), felt damn syok! Haha. Early this morning there's acapella rehearsal. Siau man. At 8am!!! So after the prac, I went back to sleep again, as expected. There's no lesson for me today, hurray! Tonight is the tech-run for the whoole performance. Tomorrow will be the D-Day - the 'Star to Burst' Concert will start immediately after the Formal Dinner. I'm still hoping that I can find a date for the dinner, well most of my frens already have theirs. Sigh.

My schedule is out. I have to wake up damn early for some days and also for some days, my lesson will end pretty late. Sigh. So many lab sessions. Sick of it already eventhough I barely attended any at the moment. Totally not in the mood for studying leh. I'm far worse than those from NS. I have been slackin to the max during the hols. And now, I just feel damn shit lah. Still can't adjust myself to the new environment yet. Speaking of environment, I still don't know anyone from my class yet. I'm so pathetic man.

Just feel like slacking more at the moment. Hall stuffs are gonna kill me one day and the studies will come next, as if they were Cassius and Brutus. I really need more free time for myself. Even if I have any, I need the impetus to do the things I wanted. I'm as if being cursed by the laziness spell. Someone pls break the spell for me. Argh! Ok, tired of writing already. If I got the mood, I'll tell you more lah. Tata.

2005-08-08T20:30:00.000+08:00

The Death of My Blog

I'm so so sorry for my absence until now. I was freaking busy with my Hall's 2-weeks long orientation and it only ended last Sat after Rag Day. Phew! Super shagged to the core. Barely get to sleep also. Most of the activities were so physical too. Damn, I need more exercise now considering all the guys here are so fit. Damn paiseh. Haha.

There are lots of admin stuff to be settled also. So I haven't really settle down and have some time for myself. School starts today and stress is slowly creeping into my uni-life. So sad. I'm still waiting for my laptop to come, so currently I have to use Chris's computer. He's pretty nice to me, haha feel paiseh always use his comp and his printer.

Anyway, I'll promise to blog more once I have my own laptop (for the 1st time). Chris and KahMeng will have to honour to do the official opening for my iBook. Hehe. I'm a nut in computer stuff, as expected. I'm taking C Programming this semester too. Moreover, I know nuts about Mac too. See how I die lah.

My experience in NUS so far is pretty ok. Met a lot of new friends and old friends. Haha. Trying so hard now to remember their names and faces. Oh something very new: I'm in acapella! I'll be performing this Thurs in my Hall. I damn sucky lah. I got time 'cos they need more guys in the team. This is just an ad-hoc kinda gathering, so I'm not officially in acapella group (the CCA) yet. See how I die this Thurs lah.

Well, I wanna extend my apologies to my old friends for not meeting/contacting them for so long now. Sorry man. Haha. Really busy and rehearsals and practice for the incipient Inter-Block Games. Sigh. I thought that uni-life will be less taxing than in JC. See how I die lah. Take care pple. Hear from you all soon.

Yours,
me

2005-07-23T11:08:00.000+08:00

I Lead A Sad Life...

Finally, I get the chance to blog again. I checked into Kent Ridge Hall last Tues and was pretty impressed by its facilities. I am staying at the highest floor, in the corner room, which is pretty conducive for me 'cos I love privacy. It's a single room, btw.

So my days here are pretty boring, 'cos I dunno many pple. The seniors are still on holiday while the freshmen are not here yet. Also, most of my friends are staying elsewhere. So I'm kinda lonely at times.

Travelling out of NUS can be a headache 'cos this place is really huge and the internal shuttle bus system shuts at 11pm. Moreover, the dining hall and gym are under-renovation, so I have to eat elsewhere and kill my time doing something else. Also, I don't have any comp and it's very difficult for me to update my blog or to check my mails. So my life is screwed lah in short.

Everynight, I have to help out with the hall's preparation for the coming Rag Day. Sometimes we work til 2am plus. This really worries me 'cos I'm afraid that I cannot cope all the hall's activities on top of my studies. I can't wait to settle down asap. I'm really short of money now, plus is scholarship money is really insufficient. I hope I can find a decent job soon. See how things go first. Tt's all the time I have today. I'll try to update more next time. Tata and wish me luck.

2005-07-18T11:42:00.000+08:00

I'm Back...

Super long in MIA mode. Felt damn guilty for my blog, for not updating it for so freaking long. I dunhave much time to blog, eventhough I got loads of things to tell. Feel damn shitty now. Hope that I can faster settle down and start my blogging life again. Tt's all I can do for now. Tata.

Love, me.

2005-07-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

Last Night In Penang (for this holiday only...)

At 9 p.m. I hanged out with Eric Gooi and Chia Kuen. We went to have 'see-kueh thng' (I dun really know how to spell it and explain what it is in english, but it's some sort of dessert). Eric went to KL this morning while Chia Kuen will be going back to London, around late August.

Then at 10 plus, Eric had to leave early and so, he dropped me to meet my other friends. I met Alan, Antony and also their friend, Richard, who is also from London. The three of them, plus Chia Kuen, were so worried about the incident in London earlier yesterday. I really pity them and also the people in London. The previous day they were so happy with the Olympics thingy but yesterday...sigh...

Another local friend of the twins, Victor, fetched us to meet up with Kar Leong (an old sec-sch classmate of mine) and also Kok Wai. Again, I had another bowl of 'see-kueh thng'. I thought that there won't be any plans to hang out any longer last night 'cause Kok Wai's face was pretty gloomy while the Londonists were pretty distressed with that incident. So I thought that my last night in Penang will be sitting with them, staring blankly at their faces and dunno what to say tactfully.

Suddenly, Kok Wai bursted out the idea of Karaoke and we all concurred. So we went to Red-Box at midnight and sang til 3 a.m.! Gosh. My Penang friends are real party-animals. I had a great time with the 6 of them, singing mostly rubbish songs. Al and Ant were the worst! They can make hard-core rock songs out of the slow, touchy, sad songs. They shouted, not sang, throughout the whole session. Nabe!

We had some beer last night too, which caused a burning sensation in my stomach. So at 3 a.m. plus, they still wanted more! I was damn tired already. We all then went to Subaidah for a drink and some food. Gosh, we finally left that place at 4 a.m.! Victor sent me home last night. I just knew him and I think he's a nice person with a cheekohpeh's facade. Haha, I'm so evil. So that was my record, so far, reaching home at 4 a.m.!

Doing my last minute packing now, pretty rushed for me. Heard that they'll be going clubbing tonight. Haha, but this time I'm not joining them. Heading back to S'pore. Sad huh? Ok, I gotta go now. I shall summarise my holiday next time. Tata.

2005-07-07T16:42:00.000+08:00

Betrayed by my own dream...

I'm supposed to wake up early this morning to settle something. So I thought that I was awaken, so I headed to do the things I'm supposed to do. After minutes had elapsed and that my quest is done, I headed straight back to my bed to continue my sleep. I barely had a good night sleep due to insomnia last night.

So when I officially wake up much later, and to my dismay, I realised that I didn't get up at all just now. It was just a dream, a stupid dream. My things are still undone. Damn. The feeling is like one had thought that he had achieved something but actually, in reality, he doesn't. So I felt cheated by... myself! Kinda lame I guess for saying that. So my mood is sort of 'marred' a lil today.

A busy day ahead of me. Have to start packing, and to decide what to bring and blablabla...

Once back in S'pore, I don't think I'll have the time and opportunity to update my blog that frequent anymore. I'll start my 1-week slavery job soon and also settle all the Uni stuffs. Moreover, the twins (Al & Ant) will be down in S'pore too, so I'll have to be their tour-guide. Got friends to meet up also. Sigh. See how things go lah. Really 'sian' to come to think of going back to S'pore while I'm enjoying a slacker's life now. Haha. Well, doom is coming soon. Hope that Uni life will be fine...

2005-07-06T16:29:00.000+08:00

Ghost Of You And Me

I noe it's kinda lame to post lyrics in the blog... but suddenly I got the urge to hear this song over and over again... I kinda like the lyrics cos some parts of it are pretty applicable to what I'm going thru now... Well, I dare not say I'm love-sick or wat... just in the mood for it tt's all... hope u like the song too...

What am I supposed to do
With all these blues
Haunting me everywhere
No matter what I do

Watching the candle flicker out
In the evening glow
I can't let go
When will the night be over

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

Seen a lot of broken hearts
Go sailing by
Phantom ships lost at sea
And one of them is mine

Raising my glass
I sing a toast to the midnight sky
I wonder why
The stars don't seem to guide me

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

The ghost of you and me
When will it set me free
I hear the voices call
Following footsteps down the hall
Trying to save what's left
Of my heart and soul

Watching the candle flicker out
In the evening glow
I can't let go
When will the night be over

I didn't mean to fall in love with you
And baby there's a name
For what you put me through
It isn't love, it's robbery
I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

2005-07-04T13:29:00.000+08:00

Another Happy, Happy Day Yesterday

Had a feast with my family for lunch. We all went to Eam Huat Restaurant, a very famous food place. It was my first time there and I can assure you, the food there is superb! We had deep-fried pork leg, venison, curry fish, blablabla... All are simply marvelous!

Blablabla happened after that...which I feel you need not know...

Anyway, at night, I went out with the same gang: The twins (Al & Ant) and Kok Wai as the driver. We went to Subaidah (Eating place for the Indian-Muslim food). We reached at about 11.30 p.m. As usual we talked a lot of crap. But something was really amazing, to me at least. There were only four of us, but we ordered a total of 15 glasses of drinks. I was the most decent in ordering food. I only had a plate of fried maggi mee, 2 drinks and a packet of papadam. The rest of them had at least 2 plates of heavy food, and at least 3 to 4 glasses of drinks each. Hardcore man. We stayed there til 2.30 a.m. which is a record for me. I am rarely out past midnight.

I sleeping cycle is also screwed-up after hanging out with this bunch of nocturnal creatures. I really like their companion though. After so many years of losing contact with them. What's worse? They asked me out again tonight, but for tonight, there'll be alcohol involved. Haha. I don't dare to imagine how many glasses of the liquid-gold we will swallow tonight.

The saddest part of it is that I'm leaving Malaysia soon. Only recently that I am reaching the zenith of the fun part of my holiday. Sigh. I don't know how things will be when I'm back in S'pore again. I bet I'm gonna miss this bunch of guys. Well, life still goes on. I'm so unprepared for Uni life. See how things go lah. Gotta go. Chau!!!

2005-07-03T12:22:00.000+08:00

A Happy, Happy Day Yesterday

Woke up pretty late due to the previous night's coffee, so I rushed a 'lil to get ready to meet my friends at 1 p.m. As usual I took my time, slowly chose what to wear and stuff, expecting that I'll definitely not be the latest there. (My S'pore friends are famous for their 'punctuality', so if we all confirmed to meet at a certain time, it's perfectly fine to come an hour late and there'll still be people coming later than you).

Ended up, I was the latest to be there. Paiseh! I'm so Singaporeanised! Met up with the twins, Alan and Ant, and also 2 of my old primary-school-mates (pri-mates in short), Kok Wai and Asai, whom I haven't seen for almost 7 years. Time really flies...

We had a nice chat and crap at Pizza Hut. Super nice to catch-up what's happening to my long-lost friends. Throughout our whole lunch, I always 'kena' from Alan. He's one of the Sarca-twins. Nabe him! But since lunch was their treat, I give them face lah.

We then go to Gurney Plaza for a movie. We wanted to watch War of the Worlds, but there was no ticks left. So, thanks to the recommendation of LimVinly, I convinced them to watch Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Nabe show! First English movie I watched that is full of shit. Lameness in the purest form. Freaking hard to accept what they are doing in the movie. But I had a good laugh. However, my friends think that it's the worst movie, so I damn paiseh for my bad recommendation. Anyway, just to inform you people, the movie is also a treat from the twins. (Something is really fishy about them, how come everything also wanna treat...hmmm...)

For dinner (or near supper), we had 'chu-char' at the upper Tanjung Bungah. Kok Chun, another old pal of mine whom I lost contact since my disappearance, joined us. So glad to see him after so so long. It's really nice to see all of them. After the great meal, the twins wanna treat again. Nabe! Cannot! So, I paid them back a nominal sum, to appease my paiseh heart a 'lil. But they insisted to treat beer in the end, so oklah. Haha.

The twins bought some beers and the 6 of us then headed to the twins' home for our party. Haha. They suggested strip-poker, but since they are all guys, really no fun lah. So we ended up playing 'chai-chuen', and the loser have to drink up. I have to admit that I drank a lot last night. Felt damn heaty man. But for the finale, I defeated Asai in the game. He was so disappointed 'cause he had been boasting that he never lost yet. The rest of us wanted to defeat him badly, but in the end that Darth Vader succumbed in my own hands. Muahaha...

It was already 1 plus in the morning, then I asked Kok Wai to send me home. He's a nice guy man. So back home, I kept thinking to myself while I tried to sleep. I sorta regret for not meeting them way earlier, since I'm back in Penang for so long already. This is one bad point about me. I dunwanna hang out with them too much, cos I'm afraid that I may miss them too much when I'm going back to S'pore, like how I felt when I was heading back to Penang for my holidays. It's a stupid excuse too, I think. The outing yesterday really made me so happy, but the feeling is a transient one. In the long run, I may feel damn bad that I had never keep in touch with most of them. Moreover, they are so nice to me. Feel damn bad. I'm going crazy. Haha.

Well, I'm reaching in S'pore this very Saturday. Really had a long holiday, which may not be a good thing after all. Tell you more next time. So long for now.

2005-07-02T01:42:00.000+08:00

Kena Sabo-ed

Just came back from a Karaoke Party at Penang Sports Club, partly organised by my parents. Only a few hours before the actual event start, my dad called me up and said that I have to sing, in order to replace some participants who are unable to attend last minute. Since my dad is the Vice Pres. of the Karaoke Committee, so I 'bohpian' lah.

I grabbed my cousin, Nicole, to sing a duet song with me. Super unprepared for it, and we searched high and low for a suitable song. Finally found one decent one, but as you all know, Lam Yuen Sean don't sing at all. So we both had last-minute rehearsal but they weren't that good lah, of course.

The final moment came, the whole event started with the children' section, we sang the third song and can say that we are the oldest children there. I am 20 while my cousin is 19! We sang 'At The Beginning', cause I'm more familiar with it (always sing in school/hostel gatherings). Both of us were pretty nervous lah, come on, in front of about hundred plus people. Fortunately, no one throw eggs or tomatoes at us. The ordeal is finally over. I can finally relax and enjoy the rest of the show.

Then, Eric Wong (an old pal of mine) decided to go out for a night drink, so the 4 of us went to CoffeeBean to chill-out. Eric, Nicole, Melanie (my another cousin, and also Nicole's sister) and I each ordered a drink, and I made a terrible mistake: I ordered coffee. I had a high dosage of caffeine running in my blood now, so I'm kinda high now. We decided to play 'chai-chuen' and the loser have to drink our special blend (our coffee remains plus special ingredients). Woohoo. I felt so proud of myself, zero shots; while Melanie had to take in 6 shots, Eric and Nicole with 2 or 3 shots each. Haha. So evil.

Went back to the party, and it's still on-going. The time was already past midnight. So one-by-one my friends left while I stayed back until the whole thing is over, which was about 1 a.m. already. My dad gave me the green light to drive the car. Another woohoo point there. Haha. First time driving past-midnight, which is a norm to most of my Malaysian friends anyway. Haha. I'm still high now. See how things go lah. I don't think anyone will be online also. Hope that I can sleep earlier, cause tmr will have another gathering in the afternoon. Hope that I can wake up too. Haha. Good morning people!!!

2005-06-28T14:53:00.000+08:00

Another weird dream

This morning, I dreamt that I was back in SJI, again, with my old scholar pals. We were in our Malay class, doing some stupid Malay compre stuff. What a nightmare. Can recognise most of their familiar faces, maybe I haven't seen them for a long time and can't wait to meet them again.

Then I travelled to another place, my grandma's home in Penang. There was a wedding going on but I can't recall who are marrying. Anyway, I remembered that I was scolded by my mum, for not going to school on that day. Weird huh. It was a Monday. Suddenly I jumped into the next scene of my dream. I was in St. Xavier's Cawangan, my primary school. Huh? Damn weird. I walked in through the canteen and I was waving to my older pals. I thought to myself, how come I'm as if travelling back in time. Then I saw a group of my ex-classmates. They were playing some sort of childish game, which I used to play when young, and they formed a huge human circle. Some of them said hi and shook hands with me. I felt as if I'm back in the good old days again. So fun.

Then my mum knocked on my door to wake me up, and gosh, it was 12.30 pm already. I had such a good dream with my old friends. I felt that I had lost some of my childhood memories ever since I went to S'pore in 1999. I really wish to gain some of them back. So back to the reunion gathering plan. Looks like we can't have a proper one, after what Antony had told me. The rest of them will be so busy packing and settling their stuff. This is one bad part about the MOE of Malaysia. They are only informed where they are going about a week before the actual day Uni starts. So unfair. Some even have to travel as far as to Sabah. Most of them will be leaving this very Sunday. So the only time that we all can meet is on this Sat, hopefully we can have a proper dinner together before we all go to our separate ways. See how it goes loh. I dunwan my dream to vanish just like that. I'm still hoping...

2005-06-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

Feel like bloggin but dun really feel like bloggin

I noe it's a sucky feelin to have. But I was very disappointed with my horoscope prediction for today. I'm SUPPOSED to have an almost-perfect day; with people, money and love. But nothing was true...

I was 'fly-kited' today. The shittiest part was that I was all dressed-up and ready to go, but suddenly there was a chance of plan. I seriously don't mind a change of plan, but pls inform me earlier lah. 'Waiting' can be such a pain-in-the-ass.

Well, I'm not against the people, so dun worry. I personally don't like the waiting bit, especially when that someone didn't tell me about the change of plan, and you are still waiting like an idiot. Wahlaueh. So pls, anyone who is reading this, pls have the courtesy to tell pple immediately if you wanna change plan.

Then I went to Gurney to visit my aunt. Ended up spending most of the time in another shop, and bought a rather expensive t-shirt... and a swimming trunk. Silly me to buy a trunk which is not my size! It is damn huge, coming to realise this fact onli after I bought it. Unfortunately, I can't exchange for another piece due to hygiene reasons. So got scolded by mum for wasting money. Sucks.

And I didn't meet anyone that could grab my attention. So love life also sucks for today. What a sucky prediction for me today. PUI!!! going to sleep now. good night pple and my life... hate u!!! (for today)

2005-06-21T18:33:00.000+08:00

Life is like a prostitute

Just watched the movies Golden Chicken 1 & 2, which the former won some awards thingy. I thought it was R(A), so I didn't intend to watch it (...like real) until my mum insisted me to watch with her. The movie is about the life of a prostitute, the ups and downs of a woman to serves the community at large. I never expect both movies to be that good, afterall, it's a movie about a prostitute. But the casts and their actings are superb. I give them 5 stars. Some scenes can be super funny, while some are super touching. Recently I just read a book about a prostitute too, haha, I must be nuts. It's 'Eleven Minutes' by Paulo Coelho, and it belongs to a female friend of mine. It really opened a new perception to what I earlier had for that kinda occupation. It's a super tough job that is looked lowly by the general public. Moreover, the more 'experienced' one is, the lower her pay will be. So ironical.

Well, enough for me to comment on my new knowledge on that subject. Well, sometimes we sort of lead a life like one of them too. Occasionally we just do things that we don't like, but we had little choice but to do it. We have to face different kinda people, meet different kinda expectations set by them. Sometimes, we even have to suffer so that others can be happy. Worse still, when we help (or work damn hard for) someone, that someone may not even recognise your help but instead, said that you have some cruel intentions and stuff. So, it's kinda hard to play a role of a good guy. Is it human nature to want to hear ill news about other people, so that one will feel better about oneself? Sometimes, prostitutes lead a better life than us, At least they get pleasure and money in the end. Haha, silly me to compare to them. But life is really complex. If you love someone, that someone may not love you. Same as if someone loves you, you may not love that someone. So we end up like prostitutes, who can't afford to love and to receive love. Well, that is not the end of them (us). So to my prostitute friends, life still goes on and all we can do is to wait for that one day to come...

2005-06-18T14:13:00.000+08:00

Nothing better to do.

Hey people, since I have so much time and nothing better to do, I've prepared two 'bohliau' quizes. So if you are also free and have nothing better to do, feel free to try these short innocuous quizes, to see how much you really know me as a person. But as you all know, they are MY quizes, and unlike any other ordinary quizes, they have some standards. So far no one scored full marks yet. So do try out your luck.

Test 1: about myself

Test 2: about my likings

Bewarned: So far, no one is able to get the correct answer for Qn 10 from Test 1; and also Qns 9 and 10 from Test 2. So give ya all a 'lil hint, the answers are sometimes not the obvious ones. Good luck and keep in touch.

2005-06-10T23:03:00.000+08:00

World of Darkness

Just had a power breakdown in my area. It was quite sometime that I never experience such things. Fortunately there were few people in the house too, if not, I'll be totally freaked out. Having just watched House Of Wax, I couldn't slept well last night. Haha. Call me crazy but that movie is gory. I would like to praise the director for the brilliant storyline too. Anyway, it was quite fun, being n the dark and hot place, filled with mosquitoes flying around you. Haha. I honestly enjoy watching the fire in the candle. Dunno. It's so mysterious.

Fortunately, the electricity came back before Malaysian Idol starts. Ohmy. The standard here is scarily shitty. I dundare to comment much but really, there were a lot of 'siasui' Penangites out there. Haha. I used to watching American, Singapore and Australian Idols. So I am not particularly favourable of the Malay-speaking/singing contest. Dunno. It just feels kinda weird to my ears.

So back to my boring lifestyle in Penang. I never do anything much actually. Just wanna pass each day, but not really keen in enrollin to the new U too. Haha. I'm unsure of what I want actually. But one thing for sure that I really want: to meet my old pals from Cawangan before I leave. That's all. Currently the feedback is ok, but not spectacular. So wait n see loh. That's all for now. Nitezzz...

2005-06-06T15:45:00.000+08:00

Another Sleepless night...

I finally met up with the twins, Alan & Antony, after about 6 years of separation. Special thanks to Ho Jenn Huei who drove us around. So the 4 of us sat in a coffee-shop@hillside. So we listed most of our common old friends we had during our primary school lives. Then we were so excited until we suggested that we have a gathering for all of us, those from the Class of 97 from St. Xavier's Cawangan Primary School. Since it'll be a rare occasion for all of us to meet up, we might as well make it BIG!

So back at home last night, I tried to go online but it was fruitless. (I think it's time to change to a newer connection). So I decided to sleep early, but, as expected, my brain was so active... I was damn excited by the idea of meeting my old friends, most I haven't seen since I left Penang. I once had a dream of meeting all of them too, back in my old primary school. So why not make my dream come true?

Ideas kept surging to my mind, til I had a headache. I yearn to plan a gathering for so long already. Chains of thoughts inundated my head relentlessly. I lied on my bed, turning left and right, and so on, but I could never shut down my mind. New ideas kept coming to me, eventhough I tried so hard not to think about it anymore. I was genuinely excited by it.

Since I had some experience of planning ang organising such events from my stay in CJCH and also as a House Rep, I am so willing to be involved in this coming event (if it does come true). Moreover, Derek plus the twins are still in contact with most of them, so I would like to ask them to get some feedback from the batch. If the response is hot, we'll try to make it big and ask my school's permission for the use of its premise and also resources to make this event huge. But it the response is not that good, maybe we'll just have a little dinner together, well at least there's something. Most of them will be everywhere around the world soon, so this is the perfect time to have such event cos most of them are still here, or just came back from their overseas studies.

I checked the time, it was already almost 4 in the morning. So, I went to the loo for the last time and forced myself to sleep. Fortunately, I managed to get some sleep before my mum shouted at me to wake up later this morning. I am very eager to tell the other 3 about my plan, so that the 4 of us can work together to make history and also to create an impact to the people and the place we are living in...

2005-06-05T12:06:00.000+08:00

Another outing not for me

I just came back from a gathering, my parents' pot-luck party again. As usual, there are lots of great food. A wide range of variety too. There are Siam Laksa, Bah Kut Teh, Pohpiah, Salmon, Roti Jala with Chicken Curry, Tom Yam Fried Bee Hoon, Lorbak, etc. Ate til my stomach bloated.

So the same kind of people there. All my uncles and aunties, which is definitely out of my age range. Their children which are some too young, some a few years my junior but I couldn't find anything common to talk to them. They have their own clicks. So once again, I was all alone.

Fortunately Eric, a year older than I am, came to my rescue. He came for a while, for the food of course, then he had to rush to somewhere else too. So he offered me a lift home. So yeah. But I felt kinda bad too lah. Imaging going to someone's place, after eating so much, then straight away go home, not nice lah. But duncare also lah. The worse part will eventually come, so it's better for me to eschew it.

My parents' gang will start their alcohol party and their not-so-clean discussion. Haha. My parents are real party animals too. Imagine a little boy, like me, joining them in their mature conversations. Not nice lah. If I had stayed longer, I most likely will join the childrens' group, and that will make me the oldest in that gang. They'll play and talk about things which are so yesteryear to me. Moreover, I'm going to be an adult soon, better not cling on to the children's corner. Also, I don't want to be called paedophile anymore by my peers.

I know my parents feel a little embarassed that I left that place so early but 'bohpian' lah. It's better for me to leave, or I'll be a wet blanket otherwise. I miss my own gatherings with my friends back in Singapore. Sigh. I'm sad that most of us will be going to our disparate ways. Life still goes on...

I wrote this post last night at 10 plus p.m. but I couldn't get online for the whole bloody night. So I'm posting this entry now.

2005-06-02T00:32:00.000+08:00

Dreams

I don't know how to explain but these past few nights, I have been dreaming of strange things. Not those horny or horror kind, but those that somehow made me wanna delve deeper into it. Those dreams are about me - my past, present and future. I no longer hang my dreamcather every since I came back from Singapore. Those dreams, some recurrent, keep coming back to me, regardless of whether I sleep well or not the previous night. Are they symptoms that I think too much about my life; or are they merely just dreams which just come and go; or even worse, premonition of something to come?

What is so different about these dreams I'm currently having is my involvement in them. Usually I just watch my dream, as a 1st or 3rd person's view, as if I was an audience in a performance. But now, I always take a major role in the play. I can actually think of what to say or do next. I can rather be emotional too in my dream. I can 'feel' happy or sad, angry or lonely, etc. I seem so real in my dreams, more human than before. As if I have different bodies in different worlds, and I can swap my soul from the real world to the dream world when I am asleep. I think this is why I can remember the details in my dreams so much clearer than before. Last time, I always forget what I dreamt of once I wake up. Hmmm, does this happen to any of you too?

The weirdest of all is that I always dream of SJIMB now. I can't figure out why but I always see myself back in my old days in the band; when I was so afraid to talk to people that time, even in my dreams too. I also once dreamt that I was queue-ing in the SJI canteen. Then I saw my old friends, most of them I just knew they existed w/o actually knowing their names, and I was happy of course. Also, I dreamt that I was back in NJ, at some special college event, then I was flirting with this NJ girl. Hmmm, since when I flirt in NJ? Hmmm. Haha. The thing is that I know all the people that appeared in my dreams. They are all familiar faces. I can even list most of the them down. Power man. Last time, I often see new faces and can't remember the cast in my dreams, but now, I think I'm turning psychic. But this does not excite me that much cause it can be real spooky.

I used to have a lot of deja vu experiences too. But as I get older, they rarely come to me now. One funny occasion was that I dreamt of solving a math problem but I couldn't solve it. Coincidentally, It was in the morning of my math test. So I woke up, remembering that question and flipped through my file to search for a way to solve such questions. Got it! Then I took the test later that day and ohmy, that same question that appeared in my dream came out! I felt so lucky that day. (So this is why I usually score well in math, haha. Ahem, I know the questions before hand.) So is it a good thing or a bad thing? But I'm losing that 'gift' now. So sad...

Ok, I'm damn tired now. Going to sleep soon. Hope that there'll be another good dream tonight. Signing off, the paranormal Lam... Good Night and Sweet Dreams...

2005-05-23T13:17:00.000+08:00

Summary of my Sad Pathetic Life in S'pore (3rd edition)

Friday:
Reached at 5am and I barely slept in the bus. Felt damn shagged and tired. Had a siesta at my aunt's place then went out with Sis. Got cheated by her to watch the NJ Soccer Match. Fine lah. So I met her at Orchard and we headed to watch the match. Surprisingly she didn't know where the place was. Damn shit. We took bus, walked like hell as we didn't know where were we, and finally decided to take taxi to that place, which is walking distant from where we got lost. Yup. Pure stupidity. It was my 1st time supporting the NJ Team physically. Quite a nice experience. Saw my bro-in-law, ShaunZ, Krystle, Johannes and also Yulin. After the match, Sis and I went to Marche for MY TREAT. She's damn cunning. Anyway, it was quite some time since I last went there and I owed her the treat for almost a year already, so justified lah. We had a nice chat over everything under the sun. Oh before I forget, pls don't try the tempura soft-shell crabs cause they really taste like crap.

Saturday:
Went to NUS Open House. Saw AdrianLooi, Amadeo, Mala and the 2 HuiMins there. Also had a small chat with my SJIMB senior too, who will be enrolling to NUS too. Haha. The EnviroEng department is damn small man. And to my surprise, my class consists only 30 pple. Damn. I'll be stuck to them for 4 miserable years man. Then I went for the tour, with my own personal tour guide, Selvi. They Proffs were explaining the functions of the machines and went into the details of the topics lah. Come on, I really catch no ball. But I think I'll like the course in the end. EnviroEng, here I come! After the whole thing, Selvi brought me to eat the CheesePrata, hmmm, not bad. Then I waited like hell for Chris Henry. He was damn damn late. So for compensation, he treated me dessert at HaegenDaz. So, I put that matter to rest...

Sunday:
Band Outing. Damn crap. Supposed to have a beach party at Sentosa but it was cancelled. So they went to Seoul Garden at Bugis for lunch. I joined them slightly later that afternoon cos I'm in a holy mode on Wesak Day. I went to pray, after months for sins and more sins. Saw Jeffrey working, so sad. Since Bugis have nothing, we decided to walk around and gosh, we really can't decide where to go, so we walked like madcows. Everyone was so tired by then, and we decided to go home. Sianz. But at least I got to see Eileen, PK, YunQi, Benson, Cleopas, Marcus and Victor. So oklah. Went back to my aunt's place early, to catch the Jacky Wu's variety show. How come no more RuHua? There are new creatures installed too, but I think they can't fight RuHua man. sad...

Monday:
I'm at Chris's place now. Supposed to apply all the NUS stuff, but realised that I never bring the necessary stuff. Silly me man. Travelled all the bloody way from Tanah Merah in the MORNING!!! just for nothing. So I decided to blog loh. After blogging, we watched some films he downloaded: the season finale for Charmed and also Smallville. Very nice.

Tuesday:
Woke up late and read the newspaper. Saw bloody Amadeo's face there in the SMU ad. Damn funny. There was this gal too, whom I may know long long time ago, Phuong, also appeared in the ad. Followed my aunt to send her CPU for repair. So this is why I rarely online, cos the comp is down. She later dropped me at Queenstown. So since I'm so near Buona Vista, I called Eileen out so that I can collect my 'thing' from her. haha. Then met Alvin there and headed to Orchard for our dinner. Had quite a nice chat.

Wednesday:
Woke up late, so couldn't make it for NJ Investiture. Wish they all had a nice time stepping up or down. Came down to Chris's place again, to settle my NUS stuff and also use the net. Watched FRIEND's season finale too. Damn lame and sad. Reminds me of my farewell with some of my friends. Sigh, went back to my aunt's place immediately. Felt so tired that day, dunno why. For the whole night I was deciding whether when I should go home...

Thurday:
Called the bus company to book my ticket for a Friday trip, but sold out cos it's HOLIDAY! Gosh, I didn't know that, everyday is a holiday to me. So I had no choice but to leave tonite, only one seat remaining, and I feel that it's time to go home too. My aunt brought me to a nice place for lunch - Creation Restaurant. They have nice pastas there. Then rushed back to watch the American Idol Finale. SUPERB!!! And I'm so glad that CARRIE won the competition. The concert was really special. Super worth it! They sang my favourite song too - With You I'm Born Again by Billy Preston. Later packed my stuff and get ready to go home. Woohoo!

2005-05-19T00:15:00.000+08:00

Love: A force so powerful that it controls and keeps the elements of this world at its dynamic equilibrium state. Because of love, there is procreation and because of love, too, there is war. However, as love is both very fragile and insidious, it can easily upset the very balance of the world, and then there will only be total chaos. Therefore, love is a sacred thing; which is often abused by the usage of countless temporary occupants of the world. The sacred love is also elusive, fortunately, and only a handful esoterics will manage to find their bonafide love.

Humans had evolved too much for their own good and they start to believe that they have the upper hand of controling their own destinies. Some starts to manipulate and taps the power of love. They are cognizant of the vast amount of potential that love could benefit them. Only those who are adroit at converting the powers of love, can discover their dreams; while the weaker ones will succumb and be consumed by the darker facets of love. Whichever the case, there will be suffering. Love isn't similar to a friendly match where winners and losers will shake their hands at the end of the game. So what good is love then?

Love is good and fresh when one haven't achieve what one wants. Love will guide him to reach his goals and realise his dreams. Once he obtains what he wants, that love will no longer play a vital role and will soon be wilted off. He'll then start to lose interest in it, as there's no longer love to bind him to the prize but responsibility, which will slowly come into the picture. However this is still much better than if he gets the prize for free as he will not cherish it from the very start. So one may ask,' How to let someone love me FOREVER?' Simply...don't let him get you. Only then he'll love you forever...

2005-05-16T02:12:00.000+08:00

Ipoh Trip 2005 (2nd edition)

I went to Ipoh recently just to have a break from all the shits and stresses I experienced in Penang. I reached here on Fri, fortunately my parents dropped me all the way down to Ipoh. (It was about a 3 hrs drive from Penang). I had the luxury to stay in UiAik's place and I got myself a personal driver too, which is none other than him. Thanks alot man. Really appreciate his service.

The food here is heaven! (on par with Penang food already). I tried a great variety of great food in which some is rarely available in Penang and definitely in S'pore. Think I gained a hell lots of weight too. Damn, looks like my try-2b-fit programme can never work in Malaysia.

So basically, I met up with a lot of my old SJI pals. Really nice to see them again. I managed to meet KahMeng, my favourite roomie for life and also WingKen. Had a nice chat with Sanjay too, who will be going to US soon; and also Brian Chak, who is currently studying in Canada. Gosh, most of my friends are spreading all over the world and I will not know when will I be able to see them again. Feel so happy to see them again. Egg is going to US too, so feel kinda sad for losing another close pal to hang out with.

I'm still in Egg's house now, writing this entry at an odd time, as I'm heading back to Penang by bus later (Monday noon). Definitely will miss this place, the pple and also the FOOD. So, I'm determined to be rich so that I can buy a house here in Ipoh and possibly set up my 2nd family here in the future. Who knows right?

So back to my boring lifestyle in Penang. Sigh, I can never work hard there as it is a food paradise too. I'll keep eating til I grow damn fat and will be lazing around at home watching tv (Astro) and also occasionally use the Internet. So, can't really wait to go back to S'pore too to lead a healthier life there cos the food there is ex and not that nice. So, be prepared to see a fatter me lah, my S'pore friends. Ok, I start to see stars now and I'm very tired and sleepy. Tell you all more once I'm back in Penang. Goodnite and goodbye Ipoh.

2005-05-09T01:35:00.000+08:00

Happy Mother's (unfortunate) Day

I woke up late today (Sunday) and was feeling really bad. I was disappointed with the course NUS offered me: Environmental Engineering. It was my second choice though, but I was really hoping to get my 1st choice (Chemical Engineering). Felt kinda shitty last night, but many thanks to some of my friends who were consoling me somehow. I think I'll be the only ass I know who will be taking that weird course. Anyway, I've thought over and over about it while I was trying to sleep, and concluded that I'll still accept it and try to see if I'll eventually like the course in the end; if can't then I'll try to change my course after a semester, or sooner.

So back to me waking up late, the first person I saw was my mum and I told her the response from NUS. She was more shocked than I am, and she kept asking me 'How come can't get Chem Eng? How come never choose you?', and suggested many ways for me to appeal and stuff. She continued to ask me many many questions, which I was in no mood to answer at all. Her constant badgering irritated me a lil and I know that she had been telling her friends that I'm going to study Chem Eng and stuff. I'd already told her not to tell anyone yet lah cos there was no news from NUS then. Even worse if NUS dunwanna accept me in the first place. And if suay,suay I can't get Chem Eng then it'll be very paiseh one. She was very confident of me. She just want to show off a lil to her friends and see now, I can't even get the course I wanted. She made me feel even more paiseh loh. So I just told her off, not to bother about my stuff so much and not to make me feel any worse. She then kept very quiet (which was a very rare occasion) because, being a good son, I rarely raise up my voice and tell her off...

The whole day that followed, I was wearing a very gloomy, sour face (attitude a bit lah). I just don't feel like talking to anyone and not going out at all. But I had already promised my parents to go shopping and have dinner with them today. So I went out with them, still wearing that behsong expression on my face. My mum was especially nice to me today, after I told her off I believe. (Usually whenever she dislikes what I was wearing before we go out, she will force me to change my clothes.) Today, she told me that what I was wearing was not nice, and I just replied her 3 words - 'I.like.it', and she just relented straight away. Woohoo, I have finally discovered the secret formula of getting my mum to listen to whatever I want. (I think I'm kinda 'pampered' too and I still dare to blame my cousins in my previous posts. Haha. I think that it's in my genes too all along.)

We went to Gurney Plaza to watch the Beautiful Mum Contest. Three of my mum's friends were the contestants, so it's nice to go and support a lil. There was a lot of people crowding the stage but my dad managed to 'booked' a corner on the 2nd floor for us. Before the contest starts, we met a few of my parents' friends' families. They were supporters too, and the best part for me was seeing their daughters. Woohoo. The 1st one (my 1st contestant) I saw was a year older than me, she's a Malay-Chinese mix, superb! The blend is so nice and she looks very elegant, but unfortunately, she's already attached. The 2nd contestant I saw was a Chinese 13-yr-old girl; pretty too; damn tall and matured. She's the one my mum wanna 'matchmake' me to. She has a ' NJ03S09 WeiLi' look and she looks like a 16-yr-old more than a 13. However I have my own ethics to follow, she's just too young for me. Then I saw the 3rd and final contestant (Haha, as if I'm holding a beauty pageant of my own), she's a Thai-American mix. Her younger brother and her are both models for BodyGloves in Malaysia. She's simply HOT! and she's just 15 plus. She's damn tall and her figure is nice. A model, what else should I say. Both brother and her have a nice blend of Thai and AngMoh look, which is a dream for many of us. Haha, but I heard that she's no easy girl to be with, cause she changes 'partners' like changing underwears...

Back to the Beautiful Mum Contest. The contestants age range was 24 to 50. There was 3 rounds of cat-walking with different costumes. Most of them look very pretty, and you may not know that some of them are already mothers. There was even a mother of 5 who joined the contest, and she's just 40 years old. Many were impressed by the way she keeps fit and all. Ahem, I won't talk too much about the aunties contestants as they are definitely out of my target range...(Check out the local Chinese newspaper if you want to see the pics)

My mum then tried to make me feel bad again, saying that maybe it was God's will and blabla that I got Enviro Eng. She thought that I was really disappointed and was trying to console me, when I was trying my best to forget about it. Looked like the trouble that I was offered Enviro was troubling her more than I am. She kept reminding me about it, which by right will piss me of if that person is my friend. And since she's my mum and it's Mother's Day, it a better choice to be tactful and just kept quiet, hide the behsong-ness within myself...

After the show, we went to the club where I was supposed to be working hard in the gym. But I had no mood for it at all so I have to wait in the library til my dad is done with his badminton match. I wasted hours in that library, flipping through magazines and books. Finally it's time for dinner with the rest of my dad's badminton mates. We had a steamboat dinner in a fishing village and more than 50 people went. I can easily categorise the people that went there: 1) My dad's badminton mates which are all males;they drink beers, smoke and talk dirty things blablabla... 2) My mum's gang with comprises of the wives of my dad's badminton mates, and they too talk dirty things and other female issues (I never realised that my parents are REAL party animals when they're with their group of friends)...3) the kids... all damn small with their own things to talk and run about... and lastly 4) a friend of my age and I... the older kids...

Both of us were damn bored after the dinner and all of the rest were enjoying themselves. We wanted to go home but we don't intend to spoil their fun. So I endured til 12 midnight, when my parents finally realised that it was already 12 midnight! My gosh, we came at 8 plus lah. Fortunately I had a companion there, if not I'll continue to show my sour, attitude face to my elders and ask them go home by 10 plus, which will surely spoil my parents' fun and by mathematical induction, I'll spoil the fun of the rest of the 40 plus people there. So i decided to be 'kuai' and just let my parents have their FUN...

I just didn't have the mood to do anything lah, I just wanted to go home and blog about today, which is a bad day for me and my mum for putting up with my sad face. It's kinda late now too and I'm trying to get some sleep. To conclude, today just simply SUX!!!

2005-05-05T15:16:00.000+08:00

Penang is a real paradise in SEA...

I went out with my cousins last night, Derek and Nicole. Of course, I have to get them to drive me around cause I'm still pretty useless when it comes to driving, especially at night and through the hilly, tortuous, narrow roads of Penang. We went all the way up to Batu Ferringhi, where it's a heaven for poor people like us. Hehe. The whole long stretch of road is aligned with countless number of stalls, selling local and imported products ranging from clothes, watches, handicrafts, and ahem, pirated dvds/vcds. They charge at a standard rate of RM8 per dvd, which is almost the same elsewhere islandwide, so I wasn't that keen in hunting for the latest movies on dvds. What really caught my attention was the clothes, woohoo. My cousin and I bought branded T-shirts for just RM15 each and trust me, they look damn real and the quality is just as good. There were also a wide range of branded good like handbags, jerseys, watches blablabla... and most of the products are very unique, as in we rarely even see them on display in shopping complexes. We spent about 2 hours there and decided to head for our supper, yum yum. And it was only 11 plus PM. The night is still so young...

The stall we intended to go was unfortunately closed on that day, so my cousin brought us to another very special place: FACES Steak House. From outside, it looks like a nice quiet bar and the best part is that parking is FREE inside. It was a former house but now, it's used as a restaurant. The atmosphere and ambience is damn nice. The whole place is dimly lit with candles and a few orange lamps hanging from the ceiling. We sat at a nice table and had our meal al fresco. Sadly, the band was just packing up so we had not the chance to hear them sing, to further enhance the romantic elements in the place...

The best of it all was that the price of the food there is super reasonable. I had a Chicken Chop for just RM4.50 which is amazingly cheap. The usual price for a normal chop elsewhere is more than RM6 plus. My cousin ordered a spagetti bolognaise for just RM3.50 and the servings are much larger than elsewhere! Super super worth it. For drinks, we each ordered a different type of fruit blend (a choice of 3 fruits). The names of the blends are special. They have Britney Spears, Julia Robert, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jackie Chan.... We ordered large blends which cost us RM5.50 each and ohmy, the glass was damn huge! It was about more than twice the size of what you usually get in Coffeebean... We were deeply satiated... The time was about 12 plus and we decided to call it a day. We paid the bill and there was no govt tax and no service charges. WOOHOO! What a wonderful night!

Of course, there are many other cheap quality things. So I don't think my stay here will be boring. Haha. To my S'pore friends, well ya can come and visit me if you like and to my Penang friends who are overseas now, do come back more often and visit me. Haha. Selamat Tinggal!!!

2005-05-04T19:16:00.000+08:00

Pampered Dregs - Part II

Scenario 2: female cousin, 12, Singapore

This cousin of mine has a younger brother of age about 9 or 10. She is staying in a relatively large 3-storey row house furnished with nice interior decor, with her non-working mum and her maid. Her dad is an enterpreneur who spends most of his working life in China. So the children rarely get to see their father. She's growing up to be a very pampered girl who is apathetic towards everything around her, except the cartoon channels, and thinks that she is the greatest in the world, blablabla...

Her mum is very strict when it comes to her children's education. She checks their school work daily and ensures that all their homeworks are done perfectly. She will even cane them if they do not finish their work in time, or their work is of mediocre standard. I never see any parent who is more stringent than the teachers in school. Maybe my aunt has huge pressures on her; to raise the two kids up by her own, and also to make sure that the kids can keep up with the fast pace of the education system in Singapore. Sigh, so one may wonder how this pressured little girl, who is going through puberty and has a disciplinarian as her mum, become as horrible as I described earlier on...

Simply, she's a hypocrite! In the presence of her mum, she is an angel. And when she's on her mum's back, ominous clouds start to grow around her. I'd noticed this because I just stayed over at their place for about 5 weeks, few days ago. To be honest, I really couldn't stand this cousin of mine. The only time I like her was when she's in her study room, leaving me in peace. But when she's unleashed from her study quarantine, it's hell for me. She dare not disturb me physically anymore, cause she's more 'mature' now and touching a boy is just not politically right. But this doesn't stop her from commanding her younger brother to perform pranks on me. If they were younger, I may accept it because they were much cuter and more adorable, but now, the pranks just get more and more serious in nature. Her younger brother is pretty ok when he's left alone by himself. In his elder sister's presence and under her influence and commands, he'll mutate into a freak too. Scary man. But whenever their mum comes into the picture, they'll transform into angels again...

What I really don't like about my cousin is her rudeness, not to her mum definitely, but to me, her brother and the maid. It's very hard to communicate to her because she claims that she's now 'mature' and you just can't talk childish things with her. She'll call you 'lame'. But if I discuss more mature issues with her, she will not understand and will still call you 'lame'. Her favourite lines are 'Don't be lame lah' and 'Shut up', which can be pretty irritating when she repeats them all the time, to me, to her brother and to the maid. She's living a life like a princess too as the maid does everything for her, including bringing her food from the dining area to the living room, cause she always wanted to watch her cartoons during dinner. When I was younger, I used to wish that I could watch tv during meal times but I wasn't allowed to, because this will show no respect to my elders, especially my late grandpa (the patriach) who ordered every member of the family to eat together. Maybe I'm just jealous of my cousin cause she had the luxury of not staying with domineering elders. But this will also create the lack of respect of the older ones, which is so clear by the way she treat her grandparents.

My cousin will nicely greet me when her mum is there, but doesn't bother otherwise. She'll even ask my permission to switch the channels when I was watching the tv (of course, when her mum is there). But what really vexed was that she'll just take the remote control from me and just stood blocking my view of the tv, and yup, when her mum wasn't around. Hypocrite right? The best part was when her dad told the children that I'm going back to Penang soon. There was a pregnant silence until that cousin of mine uttered a 'yeah' with a bored expression on her face. It was clear that she doesn't like me much, and it's also the same the other way round too. I dare not tell this to my aunt, because she treats me very well, and also that I wanna spare my cousins from caning again. Her mum will immediately cane them after she hears that they misbehaved. Sigh, so I rather remain reticent about this, just to save their skins. See, I'm so nice right?

I dare not say that I'm 100% a good filial son and that I'm 100% pamper-free. But I have something called the 'common sense' which tells me that scolding your own parents and being disrecpectful to the elders is just not right. I present this 2 scenarios for you to realise that 2 girls from 2 different family backgrounds and environment will also end up the same. Should I blame their parents for not teaching them well enough and not inculcating the right values in them? I believe that both my aunties had tried their best but I think that there are still some flaws in their methods. They never realise that adversity really brings the best in each and everyone of us. They always give in too much to their children. This is love, but not the real kind of love. Loving them is not through pampering them. The children will grow up not realising the importance of a family and also the true value of what money really means. I feel sad for my aunties for raising future dregs of the society and I hope that one day, the children will learn the true meaning of life and how to really cherish those around them...

2005-05-03T18:32:00.000+08:00

Pampered Dregs

Today I'm going a share a family story of mine. It's about this two cousins I have, and they are extremely pampered. It irritates me at times to even take a look at them. I really need your advice on how to deal with them and also how to help their families to change their method of bringing up their children before they get any worse...

Scenario 1: female cousin, 17, Malaysia

Her parents are apparently my god-parents and also my uncle and aunt. She has a younger sister, and the whole family occupies a relatively small house, in a different region in Penang, with our common grandma. They all lead a relatively simpler life, with a dad earning fluctuating incomes and a mum who sells kway-teow soup to feed the whole family. So I've analysed the situation a lil and I came to an understanding that she begins to look down on her average family the moment she received higher education in school. It may also be due to the reason that she mingles too much with her peers who are of more affluent, educated families. I believe that's why she resented her mum more and more.

There was once she scolded her mum for not being educated enough to know how to open the cap of a tomato sauce bottle. She claimed that her mum didn't know the basic science theory that if one submerged the cap in warm water, the cap will expand blablabla... Then my mum happened to be there and reprimanded my cousin for being so rude, saying that if my aunt was ever educated, she wouldn't be selling kway-teow soup to feed you. There was also once my cousin shouted at her mum for not being a good mum, and my mother just gave her one tight slap on her face. She then ran to her room and had a good cry.

Recently, she told her mum again, that she just stayed over in a friend's place, and the friend's mother is unlike her mum. They can talk to each other, unlike my cousin and her mum. She blamed her mum for not being able to talk to her. WTH lah. Her mum works hard whole day long: wakes up early to prepare the necessary stuff for the sales, and works until late evening, alone, without any of her daughters helping her out at all. The daughters go to school, come back and get pampered by my grandma at home. My aunt have to face many challenges at work too, and working in a coffee shop too has its own politics. My uncle, on the other hand, doesn't seem to care a lot of the familiar issues as he often work at odd hours and seldom at home too. He really pampers his daughters however. My aunt is a soft-spoken lady, who will just accept everything without even fight for her own rights. Too overgiving I must say until her own daughters can bully her and always scold her.

I know that deep inside my aunt, she does feel terrible; but on the surface, she still pampers her daughters with expensive and unappreciated toys and food. I don't know how to help her, my god-ma, to lessen her burden and how to teach my cousin her lesson. Moreover, my cousin seemed to be very involved in the church she attending. My grandma thought that going to church will help her to be a better person at least. Each time my mum scolded her that each time she visits the church, the ruder she becomes. She'll then be more bristled in anger and claims that it has nothing to do with the church, and that she learns all the bad traits from the family. WTH lah. If I see her myself I'll give her one tight slap too. I really admire my god-ma for being able to handle her daughter everyday. Well for me, I rather flush her down the toilet bowl right from the start. This tragic drama still exists and I don't know how to put a stop to it.

Pls help me to help my god-ma. I'm really clueless.
Scenario 2 coming soon...

2005-04-30T11:13:00.000+08:00

Esplanade - I should have gone there more often...

Went out with Eileen yesterday as I managed to cajole her into joining me for lunch as well as accompany me in the long queue at ICA. See, this is one of my evil plans again. But this time I'm much better cause I treated her part of the lunch in a Jap Restaurant. I was in a super mood yesterday, so I've decided to treat her breaded scallops and also the all time favourite 'Strawberry MOS Shake'...

We later went to the esplanade. I managed to watch some of the video clips of the musical I always wanted to watch - The Forbidden City: Portrait of the Empress. Later Eileen 'fly-kited' me, so I was left there all alone by myself, and then I had this magical experience...

I was reading my book - Through A Glass, Darkly by Jostein Gaarder - in the library@esplanade. The sofa was very comfortable and temperature was just ideal for a nice, quiet reading. I sat near a window where I could see the beautiful view of the sea, lovely couples, the vomitting Merlion, and the amphitheater - where a stage was being set up for that night's performance.

I sat there til sunset, til I finally read the whole book. It was so touching in the end. Then some girls booked a piano room nearby my reading corner and they started playing beautiful songs, especially one of my favourite tunes- If We Hold On Together.

I went up to the roof-top terrace and leaned against one of the parapets. There were many couples there but who cares, I'm going to enjoy my time alone anyway. I had this 'titanic' experience as I was facing the sea while the strong breeze is blowing directly at me. It was so refreshing. The sight, the sound and everything else was just nice. I simply didn't know how to put them into words...

I went down to the amphitheater to watch the free outdoor concert. It was a group of 4 ladies, playing different intruments and singing famous tunes at the same time. The music is just soothing to the ears and the atmosphere was woohoo! I blamed myself for not bringing my GF (if I have one) there to share that moment with me...

I head back to the MRT to meet my aunt for dinner, so I have to cut through Esplanade again. The artistic displays hanging from the ceiling were much prettier at night than in the afternoon as colourful lights were shone on them, and the pieces just glitter, like diamonds in the sky.

I regretted for not going there more often when I had the chance to and since I'm leaving S'pore tonight, I personally regret it more. I promised myself to go there again, and next time, I hope that it'll be a more magical experience for me and my friends...

2005-04-28T12:12:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

It's super nice to meet her again last night. Seeing her really brings back many of my 'sweet and sour' memories. We finally had a decent talk over almost anything, and I'm glad that we were so frank with each other. It can never be nicer than getting to her better as a person and also some truths and facts about the past. Of course I won't say much about the topics and contents of our conversations, as those were our lil secrets...

I dare to say that I had moved on with my life, as much as she had. But it's kinda nice to find out more about an old friend; about things that I never knew before. I used to be a very shy boy when it comes to this kinda things, but last night I never feel any embarassment or anything. Maybe I had set my mindset right, which is a good thing. I'm a big boy now...

And the best thing was her treat! YUMYUM. We went to PastaMania for dinner and later had supper in Swensens. Both her treat!!! Thank you very much!!! I'm so touched. So I've decided that she'll be promoted to my 2nd MOF (Minister of Food), and of course the 1st minister will be my mum. So whenever I'm hungry and broke, she'll be called up...

Muahaha. I'm so evil. So, that's all for now. More of my evil stories coming soon. I'll tell you more once back in Msia. Byez.

2005-04-23T11:22:00.000+08:00

Sean's Secret to Success...

I can't sleep every night
So, I'll drown myself with a large dosage of sad songs
til I'm in a psychedelic mode and feel tt I was in another world
just like that feeling... ya shud try it at least once too...

Try to lie down on ya back on a nice comfy bed
Set the ambiance, temperature and lighting right
Start playing the 'SADistic'* songs
Close ya eyes and let the imaginations go wild
It is a good form of meditation and reflection
You'll feel cleansed and rejuvenate
Sometimes you maybe overly 'moved' by the song, until you start crying...

After this practice you may either feel damn good bout it;
or feel damn shitty or awakened til ya can't sleep the whole night
or worse still, you may become too absorbed into it til you lose yourself
it's a risk to take, so you must be super mentally prepared
think hard before you begin this exercise,
but the shits occur only in the aftermath of the process
however the process is damn syok, til I'm so addicted to it
so do try it when you're down k...

* - if ya dunno wat kinda of songs are SADistic enuf, ya can freely approach Sean for some suggestions... and since he's kinda broke now, he'll charge a nominal sum of S$1.00 per recommended song... (this is wat I call entrepreneurship)

2005-04-18T12:18:00.000+08:00

The Pool (M18) - if you are below 18, pls ignore this entry...

Since June 2004, I stopped swimming due to the unfortunate chix-pox incident. I feel that I'm gaining unnecessary weight, sitting and watching tv whole day long. So I've decided not to bother bout the nasty spots on my body and start swimming again. And here's where the trouble begins...

I went to the public pool near my place and as expected, it's a public pool where one will not have tt much privacy. It has a super common area, the bathing area for gents, and there is no partisions at all. I seriously dun mind tt lah, cos I can show off my hidden talent anw. But there's this particular guy there and he's really freaking me off...

He's a rather fat and ugly Indian guy, and I saw him there for 2 consecutive days already. I can easily recognise him cos he looked like someone I know but his face his million times more ugly and cheekohpeh!!! He's a dangerous guy who I think will stalk at guys like me. Come on, who the bloody hell reads newspapers in the bathing area, where all the guys there are walking around stark naked? Tt time I couldn't be bothered lah so I places my stuff opposite him. As I was changing, he kept casting evil glance at me and also at the other bathing guys. So, I moved myself and my stuff away from him and his view. I'm so disgusted by him. He's using the newspaper as a cover up for him to spy at guys. Yucks. So tt was day 1...

Day 2. I went there again on a saturday and gosh, there was really hell lots of people. There was even lil space for me to put my stuff. I finally found an empty corner and damn, there he was lurking and spying. Gosh, the sight of him naked wanna make me puke. He's so dark, so fat and so furry. Apparently he looked like he had just finished bathing and he was wiping his 'tut' while staring at the people around him. Pls dun imagine wat I just said cos it'll make ya nausea too. I quickly changed and headed straight to the pool. There was really a lot of people on a Saturday. I couldn't even swim at all. Sigh, since I already paid for the entrance fee, might as well soak myself in the pool longer...

40 mins elapsed and more people are coming into the pool. Feeling rather disappointed for not swimming at all, I decided to go back. I went back to the toilet and there he was again at the very same spot, still naked and still wiping his 'tut'!. Nabe. What the hell is he doing man? Is he gonna camp there the whole day, looking at guys? I quickly bathed and changed and get the hell out of there; and bloody hell, he is still not even done wif his bath. Argh! I'm leaving.

I may go back to tt pool again cos I really need to exercise a bit. Pls pray for me for not meeting the dark evil force again. I'm really scared and I dunwanna get attacked by tt fat and ugly black dog. I'm still young and innocent; and I have a very bright future ahead of me. Pls spare me...

2005-04-14T17:56:00.000+08:00

Cho Hakkai

Which Saiyuki Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-04-11T11:55:00.000+08:00

A Night To Remember

Last Sat was a poignant night for me. I went back to CJCH for the Exuberance Concert. Still remember that I performed in the 1st concert held in 1999. This year is the 7th one. I see a lot of new faces, and I only know a handful of them. I felt so old there. Moreover no one from my batch came back to watch. I was the only one. It really brings back a lot of my old memories, both good and bad. I really miss the hostel life I had in CJCH, and I really miss the pple there. Gosh, I was damn emotional that night.

I practically grow up there, together with some of my batchmates. I also see my juniors grow up. Ohmy, they are already in Sec 4, but in my eyes, they are always small kids. (In 2002, I was in Sec 4 and they were in Sec 1 then)Some of them even have girlfriends. Haha. Looks like I'm just a pure loser. Seeing them performed that night really brings back a lot of my sweet memories. There are a lot positive changes to the concert too. For instance, they're using a newly renovated LT now and the performances are definitely more high-tech compared to my years.

The overall performances was damn damn good. I can't believe that each and every item shown are 10X much better then what we usually see in usual school performances. There were musicals, singing, dancing and a lot of plays. Super creative I must say. I was so entertained by them eventhough it dragged til 11 plus. They really have a larger talent pool lah. They danced and acted damn damn well. There was also a grade-10 pianist who wrote this whole artistic play. Wow, she played the piano throughout the whole musical bringing different moods n stuff. She wrote the songs and lyrics too, i heard, and they are real nice n original. I'm freaking impressed to the core. I dunno what to say. As usual, there were spastic plays but the entertainment values had increased manifold. It's not the lame kinda jokes you always here. They really have standard. Damn, I'll never regret going for it.

Furthermore, there are much more pretty gals compared to my time. NABE. They are real cute, but I dundare to attack lah. Hehe. Leave them for my juniors. See, to all those whom I asked to follow but rejected my offer, serve you right man. I think I won't be going back there again lah cos I won't know anyone by then. Sigh. Life sux.

And I was super late for Hilda's Birthday Party. I'm so sorry gal, but at least I came in the end right, when everyone was leaving. Hehe. Nice to see my old frens from House too. Damn I hate reunions. I tend to think a lot after that til I can't sleep. This is the bad part about me. I think a lot about the past and rather unwilling to let go and move on. So once again, life sux.

Actually I got a hell more things to talk about tt nite, but looks like my entry is getting longer and longer, I think I have to stop here. So byebye.

2005-04-08T12:19:00.000+08:00

The Brand New Me

After much considerations, meditations & reflections, I've finally decided to move on with my life. I'll try my best not to think about the past, but instead use them as learning points so that I can be a better person. Let this be my oath, that I shall try my best not to expect so much from myself until I'm over-stressed. Thx to the pals giving me advices also. I shall weed off the past, and bring forth the anew. Tis is just a summary of my being. I shall not go down to details lah cos I'm a shy boy as always. So back to the 'I-shall-keep-my-entries-as-concise-as-possible campaign', byebye for now. tata.

2005-04-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

Never Be The Same Again

It's kinda strange, the feelings I had inside
It's not the same kinda feelings I felt years ago
Something had changed, Everything feels different now
Maybe time had really been the judge for me
Nothing will remain as the status quo
or at least be the ideals that I always thought it'll be
I no longer feel the sparks, the magic, and the chemistry
Should I enhance all my memories and start all over again,
or should I erase those memories and move on with my life?
I was afraid and uncertain last time,
but will I be the same again this time?
I am not sure of what I really want
but the dreams just keep coming to me
I know that I just can't runaway from them
but I am unsure of how to face them
Dear Lord, please shine on my path again
and guide me to see what is already destined for me
For I am afraid to invest too much time and effort on it,
and also, I am afraid of failing again...

2005-03-31T12:54:00.000+08:00

Desperate House-Life

Living in S'pore is less fun than I thought it'll be. I'm currently staying with my aunt at Tanah Merah with her 2 lil kids. I'm jobless and unwanted. I wake up at 10am plus daily and lights-out at 11pm plus. After a light breakfast I'll head straight for the tv set and will be there throughtout the day. Occasionally, I'll use the Internet for a while to check my mails and stuff. So, tis is the summary of my daily routine.

If I wake up on the right side of the bed, I may go out to meet with some of my old frens who r currently working now. They're so fortunate to find jobs and also have a place to stay. I wanna rent a place to stay for these few months. An average boy like me, with no income, who has to pay adult rates for the transport can go bankrupt easily. I'm currently waiting for the companies I applied to contact me soon cos I need to settle many other things like extending my student pass, obtaining a working permit and blablabla. Life is really not easy for a Malaysian boy who is stranded in an island like this. Moreover, he doesn't have his parents to support him physically, mentally and also financially. So if any of ya got any 'lobang'* of a decent cheap place for a pathetic boy to live in, pls inform me asap k?

I think I sounded more like a beggar each day, like how someone always call me. I used to be a cherished foreign talent, who the government pay a handsome sum every semester. I used to have a nice place to stay in, with heavenly food and facilities provided. Thanks to the taxes ya parents pay. But now, my job as a 'catalyst'** is done, I am no longer needed, so I should be thrown away. I'm now homeless and penniless. Help! Maybe we should start a new kinda 'ribbon'*** project for people like me. Life is transient. Life is...relentless... the end...****

* - a 2+1 flat, with furniture, near MRT, along the West/Central of the green MRT line, with monthly rental fee of S$650-800
** - people say that scholars are hired to act as catalysts so that the local students have more competition and will therefore perform better.
*** - red ribbon for the AIDS, yellow for the ex-prisoners, blabla... maybe purple is a good colour for us... hehe
**** - if ya feel like bashin me up after reading tis, can try contactin my secretary to book an appointment wif me, only then I may consider meeting ya. tata

2005-03-19T01:58:00.000+08:00

Series of more unfortunate events - staring SeanLam, SeanLam & SeanLam...

Phew... super long nvr blog aleidi... I just had a huge size boosted coffee (the Ultimate from Coffee Bean)with my cousins... I don't think I can sleep early tonite... so decided to blog... after i had such a long break...

Since the release of results, I had lil time for myself... I did a lot of applications for scholarships... and I really hate writing essays... esp those which I must talk-big about myself... it's no easy task man... moreover, I'm also hunting for a job in S'pore... super tough too... I may consider to be a part-time tuition teacher, so if anyone's relatives or younger friends whose maths is like *tut* and very interested to be taught by a super-scholar like mua (ahem,ahem)... pls contact me k? I will charge very reasonably hehe...

So back to the core issue here. Why do I feel shitty now? it's becos of the long hols... I nvr feel so syok in Penang before... usually I came back only for a week or so, but this time, for few months... I usually nvr bother to hang out wif my couz but only now I realised that I had missed a lot of my childhood with them... I was very close to them when I was young, in fact I grew up with them until I was sent to s'pore... it's like 6 years of breaking up and suddenly we're back togerher again feeling... get it? and now, I'm going back to s'pore again... hehe... no more fun time wif my couz... no more gambling wif them... boohoo :(

I just received some call from s'pore and I have to get back there immediately... I just came back from there in less than a week and before I can really settle down, I have to pack my back n leave again... my 'lobang' king also haven't find a place for me to stay in... boohoo :(

Summore I nvr have the chance to practice my driving... the moment I had my license I have to go back to collect my results... And now I'm back here, with only a handful of days left, I can't really practice much... boohoo :(

So my dear frens in S'pore, I'm coming back real soon... and to my frens in Penang... good bye... boohoo :( summore, I have a granduncle n grandauntie coming down from China on the day I'm leaving n they will be stayin at my house... but tt one not tt sad lah... cos i nvr see them before... what is live??? how come an innocent boy like me have to go thru all these??? is life fair??? why???... WHY???!!! ... ARGHHH!!!!

-the end-

2005-02-25T18:36:00.000+08:00

My Driving Test

Yesterday, I had my final training. It was awful. From 1400 to 1900, I'd only managed to drive for about an hour. So what did I do for the rest of the time? I'd waited for my turn like an idiot, and that place was freaking-scorching-steamy-hot. The journey to that place takes about an hour too, and in total, 2 hours wasted going there and coming back. Moreover, there wasn't enough time for me to practice my road drive and I only tried the circuit (going up and down the hill, parallel parking and 3-point turn). There were many last minute changes too. My trainer suddenly told me that certains techniques of mine were wrong, only yesterday he informed me and not earlier! considering I'd gotten used to the my own ways of driving already. Nevermind, I felt pretty nabe-ed after the training and I just wanna take the bloody test tomolo, get it over and done with lah.

So I miraculously woke up at 0730 this morning (usually 1000 plus) and I couldn't really sleep well. I was worried about the test cos I dunwanna re-take after I come back from S'pore. This is the problem cos I wanna rush the whole programme thingy so that I can settle my drining license before March and so, I had only about 6 sessions of training. So the same goes, I've waited for my turn, amongst the 40 plus other candidates, to take the test. Almost 1100 already, and then I had my chance. I was so nervous, and it was quite some time since I last felt that way. So, Part 1 was terribly done. The tester was damn kanasai. He scolded me like a mad-dog throughout the whole bloody journey on road. Watthehell lah. If he keeps his mouth shut I think I won't feel more nervous man. In the end, I've forgotten this and that - I've even forgot to release the break, he scolded me like crazy. I was damn unhappy when I drove, with that bulldog beside me, kept rushing and pushing me. His comments were damn shitty, saying thingd like 'you drive like riding a horse' and 'you are not suitable for driving at all'. I got a feeling that I'm going fail my 1st part. Darn. So I took the result slip for him without even looking at it and I got off that cursed car. I dunwanna see my results so I passed it to my trainer and he said I passed! I wouldn't believe it. Just borderline pass - 16/20. Luckily there were useless components that gave me marks. Phew! I was happy that with the treatment I had from that tester, I can still pass lah. But in my heart, I felt pretty disappointed with my performance on road. Then my trainer told me that the testers like to scold people lah, just for show lah. I felt a lil better in the end.

Later, it was the time for Part 2. This was much faster. Feeling rather down by my earlier performance and the caustic remarks, I wanna prove myself again. This time, woohoo, I did it flawlessly. My circuit components was well-done. Aiya, I need more practice on road now, using auto-cars and not the out-dated manual cars anymore. I hate changing gears and stuff. About 3 days later, I'll be getting my license. Yup, I can officially drive soon. Nabe to all the testers!
Felt damn shagged after the whole thing and I only got home at around 1300 plus. I had my siesta til now. Just woke up, damn syok. So those who wants to hire a horse-rider, hehe, get me a car lah. (auto pls)

2005-02-14T16:09:00.000+08:00

Valentine's Day Special - Sean's LOVE for...

... Thai-related stuff. I just had lunch at a Thai Restaurant in Penang - superb. The prawn cakes there are famous! The tomyam fish and fried thai vege are damn syok. Even in S'pore, I had affinity to Thai food. Since they are pretty ex, I rarely had the chance to visit any Thai restaurants. My favourite place is still Thai Express! The 1st time I went there was with my relatives. There I had my favourite dish and drink - Belachan Fried Rice and Pina Colada. Pina Colada is a type of pineapple juice with its pulp and coconut ice-cream - woohoo! The 2nd time I went there was with my God-Bro and I ordered the same thing. Haha. And the 3rd time was with my God-Sis - Hey Jas, next time we go again huh? My family also felt pretty weird with my fetish for Belachan Fried Rice cos I always order it at this Thai stall in Penang. At that particular stall too, I tried the Pattaya Fried Rice, which is also damn syok. Most of the fried food has anchovies along with it, which is my favourite side-dish. I can munch it the whole day. What's worse? I love Thai chilly-sauce too, eventhough I rarely touch any other brands of chilly-sauce. Do try deep-fried calamari with Thai chilly-sauce man, you'll fly man. As you can see now, I love Thai food. Oh, I love the rubies (water chestnuts coated with some red jelly thingy) they serve for dessert too. So, if ya dunno where to treat me eat, this is a very good suggestion for ya. Haha.

Most Thai people are nice people. They got cool long names too. I like the way they greet each other. Look at Tata Young, so hot and pretty. And VJ Utt, ya should know what reputation he has, so I won't bother talk much about him. Somemore, I've just watched 'My Girl' - the kids there are so cute. Maybe in the future I go adopt some Thai kids as my children. Sigh, might as well find a cute Thai girl for myself (and I'll make sure that she's a real girl). Hehe. Oh, I used to like Maggie Q a lot, but Vietnamese food simply sucks. No cruel intentions to my Viet friends. This entry may sound a lil biased too to some people, but I do have one-eighth Thai blood running through my veins now. Too bad, that's me, whether you like it or not. Ok, before my entry gets more and more absurd, I better sign-off soon.

To those with partner(s), Happy Valentine's Day to ya and hope you'll enjoy this special day. To those wiser, more enlightened and loveless souls out there, come and join my Heart-Break Club for free. Here we will gather, lament and pray for the fools of LOVE. Boohoo!

2005-02-10T17:20:00.000+08:00

There are many ways to earn easy money and the best way is to... gamble with me...

The 1st day of Chinese New Year was pretty fun... I gambled for the 1st time... using big money... Never realise that most of my relatives are gamble-addicts... They played 'ngau' with RM5 each round... then my cousins and I set up another smaller gambling table and we played the same game at RM1 each... Wah... my luck is really bad... I lost about RM20 plus... damn suay man... Then I thought that maybe I could win some back on the night, where we set up another table at my cousin's place... There, we played pretty big... RM5 each game... Same luck too... I personally lost RM20...I wanna quit playing already knowing how lucky I am... Then my cousin, Derek, decided to pay for me... Of course I tried my luck again lah... PUI! Lost again... Lost about RM20 of his money... PUI! PUI!... My dad and aunt later sponsored me another RM20 each... within minutes, all gone...again... so I've decided to stop... before I spend all my angpows money and also all the sponsored money...PaiSeh! ... I really have no luck in gambling man... No wonder my cousins were so happy to gamble with me... Well, today, I've decided to try my luck again with the RM20 my another aunt sponsored me... So, a lil better this time... no win no lose... Tonite, there'll be another battle... scared man... hope my luck will be much better lah... praying hard man... never win before one...

Aftermath of the Night's Battle: damn suay man... lost another RM30 plus... PUI!... really no luck in gambling... being labled the 'No. 1 Suay Kia'... this time we played 'ngau' and also 'in-between'... a new game... pretty fun though.... but damn risky... 3 cousins and I then went to Segafredo for a drink... damn crowded, damn stuffy... ordered 'Milano Mocha' damn syok... suddenly my cousin, Derek, wanna treat... considering he won a lot... so million thx to him... I don't feel that bad for losing anymore... summore my another cousin, Nicole, lost bout RM200 in total already... so, amongs the suay pple, I'm considered ok ok already lah... and watthehell lah, at Sega, we played 'tai-ti', w/o any bettings... and I won many rounds lah... ceh... I think I have no affinity with money one... once gamble always lose, if nvr gamble then high chance of winning... PUI! one more time! CNY is not really beneficial to those unmarrieds, esp for those who gambles a lot, cos ya angpows will slowly disappear... so to conclude, if ya think tt you're a suay boy like me, DON'T GAMBLE!!!

2005-02-05T14:35:00.000+08:00

The Boy Who Cries During Chinese New Year

Little Chucky hated Chinese New Year so much. Because the relatives he hated will be coming to his house. Little Chucky hated especially one, his little cousin boy. That younger cousin (Si Botak) bears the same surname as him, which irritates him further. Si Botak was pampered and being the youngest in the family tree, he has everything he wants, including lil Chucky's favourite toys. Chucky's mum will take out his complete collection of toys for Si Botak to play but lil Chucky couldn't do anything to save them. His toys were desecrated and mutilated. He tried complaining to his mum, grandma and many else, but no one listened as Si Botak was the king then. Lil Chucky cried, in his own room, while the rest of the relatives happily see how active Si Botak was, tearing the toys apart. They think Si Botak was damn funny and adorable. My candy ass! So, the same thing happened over and over again every new year, since that devil was born.

And years later, lil Chucky received a scholarship to further his studies in S'pore. So he went to S'pore and celebrated Chinese New Year there. It was not any better. His family was afraid that he'll be lonely and sad during the festive season, so they asked him to stay over at his aunt's place for a few days. The first year celebrating Chinese New Year alone was terrible. He cried because he missed his family. He was home-sick. The following years, he went over to his aunt's place. He didn't really like that place because he's not that close to her family. He don't even know anyone from his uncle's side of family. He only sat quietly at the corner of the dining table during New Year's Eve. He didn't enjoy their fruitless conversations over business and their own nephew, blablabla... The food there wasn't as good as the food back at home. After the painful dinner, he followed the rest of the strangers to the living room to continue watching tv and discussing issues unfamiliar to him. So lil Chucky asked permission to go out of the house for a while. He wandered alone around the neighbourhood area, looking into other houses, where they had such a great time with their respective families. He finally reached a playground where he sat down quietly on a swing. He looked up into the empty sky, and again, tears fell down.

Soon, lil Chucky started to give excuses for not going to his aunt's place for Chinese New Year anymore, saying he was busy and stuff. Nevertheless he'll still go, as a form of respect, but it'll be much later into the night, for he didn't want to sit together with the strangers. Lil Chucky will then have left-overs for a New Year's Eve Get-Together Meal. He slowly swallowed the cold meal, feeling grateful at the same time for having better food to eat. (The hostel food will be more pathetic of course). He didn't mind eating left-overs so as long as not to meet the strangers from his uncle's side of the family. He will then call home, asking how his family members were. And when they asked him the same question back, he'll then lie to them saying that he's feeling happy here, in S'pore...

Sometime lil Chucky wishes that there's no new year at all. So that he'll not be sad at all. It had been 6 years lil Chucky is away from home for Chinese New Year. Now, he's back and he's no longer little. He doesn't know what will happen and he doesn't know how he'll feel too. Will that Si Botak torment him again, considering both of them are much more mature now? How will his relatives treat him then? And most importantly, will he cry again? (I hope not lah)

(Wishing you a Happy New Year to those celebrating it and get more angpows; and to those not celebrating or not intending to celebrate like the former lil Chucky, do enjoy ya holidays lah)

2005-01-30T15:57:00.000+08:00

I'm no longer a Teenager. My gosh! - with great maturity comes great responsibilities...

Last night my cousins dated me out for a dinner. Derek came to fetch me from my house and we then meet the rest of the other 3 cousins at Gurney Plaza, 'cos they're working there. The 5 of us then had a wonderful dinner at Fish and Co. My favourite place but I've only been there once with my House Members, and that place is damn damn ex. Anyway, it was my aunt's treat. So, hehe. I had my favourite black-pepper sting ray again. We ordered 4 different dishes then we all shared them. The passion fruit drink was damn syok too. To conclude, my Birthday was pretty worth it, considering I wasn't expecting anything at all this year. Thanks to all.

[Of course I had my best birthday party last year with the House Reps and some of the band members. Million thanks to the organisers. You know who you are. It was a surprise party at the McD that I'll never forget. Everything was great. So basically this was what happened: The capts and vices were having a meeting at that McD, then all decided to go home. As I was about to head back to my hostel, suddenly YunQi dragged me out to follow her to Cold Storage to get some stuff. Once out of the cold market, there was this McD worker to was holding this placard bearing my name. I felt super weird that time. Then I followed her into this 'dark' room. There goes, everyone suddenly popped out and surprise, surprise! I was tricked. It was fun and great and I never expect that the band people will be there too. Thank you all again. The presents were great too. Oh, earlier that day, my class was having Chem practical and my tutor betrayed me. She said that after we finished our practical, the whole class can do anything to me, except using the chemicals and fire, of course, phew. Before I could pack and leave the lab, some of them already had bottles of distilled water in their hands. I was completely drenched. Thanks a lot to my Chem tutor. Hehe.

I had another worth-mentioning Birthday party in CJC Hostel. It was in fact, the most horrifying. They forced me to wear something. Some disgusting thing and took a pic of it, which I had effectively destroyed it. Hehe. So I shall not talk more about this point. Later that day, some ass put an egg in my underwear and crushed it inside! You wouldn't want to how it feels like chasing people, with broken egg shells and its slimy content rubbing against your buns. Then I was completely covered with cake, and a super solution which they made specially for me. I could guess some of its ingredients - flour, colgate, soy sauce, etc. And the worst of all was OIL! I was bathing then, thinking that everything was all over. Then 2nd round of attack came from the top of the cubicle I was bathing in. OIL! Whole bottle of it. It took me 2 bloody hours to clean it off my body and I used more than half of my big bottle of body shampoo to clean it off. It was damn damn slippery and smelly and errrghhh! Luckily a fren of mine helped me in scrubbing my back. Hehe. Don't worry, we're straight. After that torment I went straight to bed. I still smelled like cake. Darn. I didn't care anymore 'cos I had lessons the next day. Sian Nia.]

So I dunno what my future will be like. I'm currently slacking and insidiously gaining weight. Oh I had my 1st driving lesson this morning. Damn syok! Never imagined the coach let me drive on real roads. I was panicked when he asked me to take the driver's seat while we were still on the real road. Kanasai. I thought that he'll drive me to the learning centre or something. Wah. I felt great pressure man 'cos I never even secretly learn to drive before, unlike most of my peers. Wah. I dunno what to say. But overall he said that I was pretty ok for my 1st time. I led me into some neighbourhood area and let me practiced on the turnings. Fortunately there weren't many cars then. I didn't realise that time passes so fast. I drived for about 40 mins on road. Wow. Good job man! As you can see, since I'm more mature now (ahem, ahem), I'm slowly entering adulthood. The only thing I'm lacking is...

2005-01-28T19:44:00.000+08:00

On The Eve

I didn't know I had such a good night sleep. My paternal grandma woke me up this morning, realising that it was already 1130. My mum already left the house to prepare something BIG for me. So I lazily slack around in the house watching tv (as usual). At 1400, I watched the finale for the "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance". It was so funny and touching in the end - all about family love and stuff. The I played my computer game for the rest of the time until my mum came home, around 4 plus. Wow, my mum went back to Ayer Hitam to prepare my favourite noodles - 'Lam Mee'. The name is pretty auspicious especially to my kind. (And that was the cruel nick my old friends used to call me, right? ATZA and ATZN) Anyway my maternal grandma also cooked 'drunken chicken' and a lot of the deep-fried fingerfood for me. So I felt a 'lil bad cos I was supposed to follow my mum back to my grandma's place and eat those great food there. But as expected, I woke up late and my mum knew that I don't really like going there cos I'll be damn bored there.

Anyway, I received BIG angpows from my paternal grandma and brother; and a BIGGER angpow from my maternal grandma and God-Ma (my mum's 3rd sis). Woohoo! My dad too just came back from Ipoh and bought me a Polo T-Shirt. Overall I'm so happy. 6 years. It had been 6 years that my family wasn't with me on this day. This year is a very special year for me because I'm back in Penang for a very long time. So it'll be the 1st time I celebrate this day and also Chinese New Year in Penang after 6 years in Singapore. I'm not expecting anything though. All I hope for is that my family members, relatives and friends stay healthy (very important), be wealthy (if possible) and be harmonious. Definitely I'll feel strange after leaving my family for many years and be back in Penang for such a long period of time. Moreover, there's a subtle familial politic to handle too. So I'm not really looking forward to CNY. Dunno lah. Feeling ambivalent again (of course, my love for money still exists!). So that's about all, up to now. Will tell you all more news about me tomorrow. See ya!

2005-01-26T15:18:00.000+08:00

Poverty

My family used to be very poor. For what I know, the worst year my family had been through was 1985, the year I was born. That unfortunate year, a depression occurred and my paternal family clothes business was badly hit. We went bankrupted. Of course, I don't even know what was happening at that time. My mum told me that she don't even have enough food at home to feed me - there was no more milk powder and my family couldn't even afford to buy one. My paternal side was too busy with the ailing economy. What's worse? My pathetic paternal uncle was chased by loan sharks and all my paternal side did was begging for money from more affluent friends and relatives. So no one really cared for a baby like me. That time, we lived a small house with my paternal grandparents and their 4 children (my dad is the 3rd one and my pathetic uncle is the 1st). My uncle and dad were the only children with their own families then.
Don't know why, my paternal family hated our adjacent neighbours so much. They were also very poor people. My mum were the only one who communicated nicely with them. My mum was the only one in the family that disagreed with what the rest of my paternal family was doing. She resented the way they treated my dad, herself and also me. So back to my family problem. I was almost starved to death. Then those neighbours, who don't even have enough to feed themselves, came over to my house and bring some food for my mum and me. My mum was so touched by them and cried in front of them. She said that even own family members don't treat us so well. So since then my mum don't really like my paternal side. (Of course, there are much more factors to it, but I shall only discuss them next time.)

My maternal side was even much poorer, but at least they all have family spirit. They cared for each other. My mum was the 2nd of the 4 daughters. When she was younger, my maternal grandma used to wash clothes for people (to feed her 4 daughters since my maternal grandpa was chased by loan sharks). Then my 1st aunt and my mum will deliver the washed clothes back to the owners, while my 3rd aunt stayed at home to take care of my 4th aunt, who was still a baby at that time. My maternal side too owned a kway-teow soup stall. (Currently my 3rd aunt took over that business and still sells kway-teow soup in Ayer Hitam.) Other richer relatives, including my paternal side, used to looked down on my maternal family because my maternal grandpa was useless and kept begging relatives for money.

But fortunately, both sides of my family are better-off now. There were many complications in between and I know how my mum, alone, fight for my family status so that we grow up not being looked down upon us just because we were poor. In 1999, I received a scholarship to study in Singapore. This also helped in the way other relatives see us because the 'Lam's are not those that can study. Slowly, other relatives treat us better and I hope that more things will change, especially the politics in the family. Family is the most important aspect in everyone's life. It'll affect one's thinking and the way he/she behaves. So, in this entry, I dedicate to my mum who fought so hard against the odds in order for my family to promote in this stinking hierarchy system within my relatives.

You may find it funny for me to talk about my family's past. So please forgive me if I had bored you til death. I always wanted to write all about my family history down so that I can tell those stories to my children, or maybe grandchildren, next time. Please don't laugh 'cos I'm thinking a bit too far. So (maybe) coming up... Sean's Valentine's Day Special - The Girl of My Dream (if I feel like writing lah)

2005-01-05T20:13:00.000+08:00

FRIENDS (they come and they go…)

I was extremely happy last night cos I managed to contact 4 of my primary skool classmates. Special thanks to Antony and Bernard, who are also my primary skool classmates. For Bernard and Clifford (both twins), I knew them since I was born and on the other hand, Alan and Antony (both twins too), they were my classmates for 6 consecutive years. Ok, enough introductions already. Oh before I forget, I met Eric Gooi, Derek, Eric Wong and Marcus too. Haha. Last night was indeed a very happy night for me, as I get to find back my old friends. I’m so glad that they still can remember who I am (even though they can’t recognize me initially). Now, what I really want for this holiday is to contact back my old friends in Penang. I’ve lost most of them since I came to S’pore. It was my entire fault that I never really keep in touch with them. Before I left, I was so afraid of the unknown. All my friends are in Penang and I don’t even know anyone in S’pore that time. I’ve learnt to let go and fortunately, I did get to know many new friends there. Soon, I started to drift further apart from my peers in Penang. Sad huh?

In SJI, I never really mix around much. Initially, I hated the people there - 1) Their English is so good. A kampong boy like me hardly can mingle around with them. 2) Some of them hated Malaysians, always looking down on us. And 3) A handful hated the scholars. They kept insulting us “scholars” cos we were supposed to be better than them and stuff. 4) I was so freaking fat that time. 70 kg for a Sec 1 boy is no joke. Naturally I shunned myself from socializing much too. Anyway, I did hang around more with the hostelites (the ‘scholars’). I really treated them as a family cos we were afterall, away from our own family and stuff. 4 years later, hehe, graduating time. I left SJI without really feeling anything. But I was genuinely sad to leave my hostel and my friends there. Knowing that I have to part with my peers and also my juniors, I almost broke down. I practically watch some of my juniors grow up (sounds like a father huh). So the same shit here. I was afraid to lose my friends again. I dare to admit that I was pretty dependent on my friends. (ahem…I rarely tell people my weakness one). I dunno how the following year would be like. I was afraid to know new friends. Will they be the same? Or will I lose my friends again? Such questions kept reverberated in my mind. Soon, I let go too and moved on. Yes, I lost touch with a few friends and managed to keep a few too.

The same goes in NJC. 2 years there. Really met a few great fellas there (I shall not name any to avoid jealousy and stuff… so please understand) But this time I was much closer with the college people than those weirdoes in the hostel (Boy, I’ll tell ya more about the horrors of staying in the hostel soon…coming up). I miss those people in Perc. Sect. from NJCSB, some of my classmates and schoolmates, and of cos the House Reps!!! Anyway, ‘A’ Level’s done and I have to move on to the new phase soon. Same shit. I msg-ed almost everyone the night before I left S’pore. I was on the verge of crying already. (never knew I’m an emotional geek huh?) Then that stupid UiAik called me, spoiling my mood only. Anyway, I’m back in Penang now, leaving all my friends in S’pore. The guys will be recruited soon while the girls, still wandering around.

Yup, I’m left with almost nothing AGAIN. Fortunately, million thanks to the advanced technology; I’m still contacting some of my old friends through MSN, Hotmail, GMail, Friendster and my blog too. I dunno how things will be like now. All I’m hoping is that I can take this time to find those friends whom I’d neglected since who-noes-when. I’m kinda sick this ‘cycle-of-friendship’ already. I hope you all noe how I feel cos I think some of ya are suffering the same shit as me huh? I hope I’m not alone. Hehe. So, I dedicate this super long entry to all my friends, old and new, dead or alive, boy or girl…blablabla… Hope that our friendship will last until…err… at least I get married? Must come for my wedding k. Haha… Byebye… I’m going crazy already.

p.s. - Dear Antony, *^#*%#)$*$ you! Thanks for ya curse last night. I really can’t sleep. Kept thinking of the past. A Nightmare to remember…
p.p.s. – Dear NMF, if you’re secretly reading this (again), let me tell ya once more, I do have frenS in Penang too k. Haha… Enjoy ya army!
p.p.p.s – Dear friends, love you all (damn mushy huh?). Haha. Yours, SeanLamYuenSean…:)

2005-01-03T23:29:00.000+08:00

Living 2005 Dangerously…

Time passes so fast. Come to think of it, I’ll be 20 soon (ahem ahem…) and guess what? I’m still single. Haha. I really have no plans for this new year. All my dreams seem so far away and unachievable for the time being. I really dunno what this year install for me this time. Now looking back, 2004 was just an ok year for me compared to the better 2003. Feeling a lil ambivalent of the future. There are just so many things I wanna do and at the same time I dunno how to achieve them. I’m really lost. All I need is a guiding star who will always shine on my path. All I need is to start on the things I wanna do, but the thing is HOW?

So for now, I’m really living like a Prince. Here are the few aspects of my life that have improved tremendously and dangerously as well:

1) During schooling days, I usually wake up at around 6 and I’ll roll (warm-up) on my bed for about 30 mins, only then I’ll be officially awake. On non-schooling days, I usually wake up at 8 for breakfast, and if I don’t feel like waking up early I’ll still force myself to wake up by 10.30 one.
Here, I usually wake up at 11. Sometimes I need my mum to drag me off the bed, only then I’ll relent and wake up. Then she’ll help me make my bed. (hehe…back in S’pore I did it myself) This explains why I’m living like a Prince now.

2) A big shift in the no. of meals per diem. From 3 meals in S’pore to 5 mega-meals in Penang – Breakfast at 11 plus, Lunch at 2 plus, Dinner at 6 plus, oh Tea between lunch and dinner, and for grand finale Supper at 10 plus. Wonderful huh? I really can’t imagine how I’ll look like by the end of the holidays. Moreover, I just bought a new pair of specs. Damn ‘cheekohpeh’. Thick-framed and bright red summore. Haha.

3) Wah I’m a T.V. King now. Wake up straight away head for the tv set. In S’pore I barely even go near the tv. I only watched tv like once per month? Only towards the end of year 2004 I started to watch more. Now I’m back here and the tv is my best friend. I watch for about 5-6 hours per day (considering half of the day gone cos I need to sleep a lot more now…) About 5-6 movies per week and a lot of series and reality shows to catch up. So, as you all can predict, what a healthy lifestyle I’m living right now. At least in S’pore, I occasionally got exercise. Haha.

So, jealous of me? Haha. Especially those guys who are going to join the army. Sigh. Please don’t change your good impression of me. Haha. I’m learning to drive now (doing something good at last). Super tough cos the theory and everything is in Malay. Stupid laws, signs and stuff. Hope I can pass soon lah. Anyway, enough crap for now. Enjoy your holidays for those fortunate ones and for those unlucky ones who need to go to school again, too bad for you lah. Your turn will come soon. Bye. Love, me.

2005-01-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

Check this out!

2004-12-29T14:13:00.000+08:00

Many sad tales... of the victims of the Asian Tsunamis...

The chinese newpapers now tell us a lot about the stories of some of the victims, those dead and also alive. I'm very touched by them. They showed great human love that I thought only exist in the movies. Of course I can't read chinese for nuts but I do have a translator with me - my mum... So in this entry I would like to tell all of ya some of the poignant tales of human in the wrath of nature... And I would like to dedicate this entry too to all parties involved in this national crisis... May God bless all of us, especially to those who need a lot of courage and faith to continue living, fighting to stand up again despite all their losses... here are some of the summarised stories...

A family of ten went for a picnic by the beach in Penang. Let this man be Mr. X. So the family consisted of Mr. X’s old mother, his wife, his 3 kids – 2 sons and a daughter – Mr.X’s brother and sis-in-law with their 2 sons. The storm then came and swept all of them away. His old mother was found dead. All his 3 children gone and only his daughter’s body could be found. His brother and eldest nephew survived but lost the other two. Those cannot be found are suspected to be gone forever. So now only left Mr and Mrs X, Mr X’s bro and his nephew. From 10 members to 4. Sad huh?

4 bodies were found. The father was carrying one child and the mum was carrying the other. All drowned and died as a family.

One mother was hugging her baby so tightly when the waves came, but unfortunately she fell down and accidently released her grip. The baby was immediately swept away.

Oh I'm pretty inspired by this one. A group of 12 friends (like the one I just had) headed to the sea to fish. The storm came and what they did was to form a human ring and the stronger guys held on the trees nearby. In the end, all survived. Cool strategy huh.

Actually there are more but I'm not tt sure... Sad huh... Long before there was a tale too about a girl. She survived a similar flood and grew up to write a book about how she survived. Her mother was with her during the incident. Her mother grabbed her to hold on to a tree just outside their house. Both of them then held on to that small tree. The mother later realised that the tree cannot support both of them. Then she told her daughter to hold on to tt tree tightly and nvr let go at all costs. The girl just did what her mother told her and the mother then let go...

2004-12-27T14:14:00.000+08:00

Hope that everything will be fine...

Fortunately everyone I know is fine... except there's no news about Egg... everything in Penang are sort of settled down... businesses are as usual... but there are occasional ambulances passing my house heading towards the beaches... most likely the dead bodies are found... but not all... many divers are still gone missing... hope that Penang will take this as a lesson to learn... it's also nice to see people of different races come together to help and also to talk bout the disaster... super rare occasion around my place... anyway... I'm very grateful for still being alive and my family members and my frens are unharmed... except one whose car is covered with mud... I no longer dare to dream of a house by the sea... my dream house... so sad... no more... rumor-mongers are starting to take over the situation... there are many rumors here and there... about the next wave coming n stuff... I dunno lah... better be prepared than sorry lah... so you all can duncare about me aleidi... I'm fine... do enjoy ya remaining holiday k... what a huge Xmas present we got this yr... haha... ok... bye for now...

2004-12-27T01:07:00.000+08:00

The Asian Quake Huh...

Usually we read or watch this kinda news in other countries and now it's our turn...kinda sad...so I can't tok much tonite cos I onli have one line in my house and in times of emergency... die liau... my house is pretty near the coast... and I'm a bit worried for my family, of cos... many area of Penang are affected as well... I've been watching news the whole day... first time in my whole life... so guai man... after my 'reporter' adventure this afternoon, my cousin went further up and took a few pics of dead bodies... scary man... he just showed them to me... soon there'll be more corpses to be found.... floating along the beaches... many fishermen are gone missing... many children died too... pls no more tourists in Penang... just contacted Kat... phew! glad she's fine... she's stayin at Gurney Hotel... super close to the sea... pray hard that she and her family will be fine... my aunt's place was slightly flooded and many pple had felt the tremor this morning... I really hope that there'll be no more of this tml... I'm sleeping soon cos I'm damn tired aleidi... pray hard that I won't wake up realising that I'm in the middle of the sea... or worse... seeing 'Mojojojo'... Oh... I can't contact Egg at all... I called his house but no one called - duh... his whole family is on this holiday... I can't reach him thru his M'sian phone too... if he does contact any of ya... pls let me know k... tt's all for now... good night... love, me

2004-12-26T17:01:00.000+08:00

Armageddon in Penang…

I was shocked by my mum… she was telling me that the waves are coming in and there’s a jam right in front of my house… so I stopped using the net and take a look… sirens were heard and there were indeed many people gathered near my house… I live near the coast and they started blocking the main roads towards Tanjung Bungah and Batu Ferringhi… There were people missing and dead… the waves took them… polices came into the picture… the jam was getting worse… I was in the house with my dad and mum… my cousin came over to see… there weren’t news in the tv yet… so my dad, cousin and I decided to take a look at what’s happening outside… there were indeed many people gathered around… further down I heard there was a dead corpse… the Malay village was badly hit… the road was covered with mud… the 30-feet high wave really vented its anger on them… the funny thing was that we are already located pretty inland and the huge wave could still reach us… the cars were blown away, hitting into their already dilapidated wooden houses… the huge heavy slabs of rock – those aligned nicely along the middle of roads – were strewn away… heard from someone nearby that one piece of it requires more than 7 able-bodied man to push it… see how strong the wave was… it was only a single wave that attacked my coastline… that single wave that caused so much damage… I managed to take some pictures of the scenario… people were pretty panicked… some can even joked about it… earlier on… at 9 plus… my dad woke up realizing that something were wrong… he felt that my house were moving… there was a tremor… my sis-in-law felt dizzy too… then my dad went to check out the water in our tank… it was shaking man… my ceiling fan was swaying too… of course I was still sleeping that time… we then went to Naza Hotel just opposite my house… there was quite a lot of people there… along the coast… we stood by the beach and we could see from far that a huge wave is coming in… my cousin and I took a few pictures of it… then the approaching waves got closer and fortunately I was filming the process… the about 5 feet width beach was consumed by the incoming waves within seconds… of course… after filming the three of us ran away like madness… the waves were strong but not as strong as the earlier one… we went back home after that… my mum was on the phone all along… sirens could still be heard… many people died… I really pity those tourists that came all the way to Penang for the beach… few, especially the kids, were washed away… many fishermen were gone missing… Gurney Drive was badly hit too… those who parked their cars underground are super unlucky cause mud water rushed into the basement… the roads there are already super packed because of the holiday and now much worse… please go watch the news for more report… hundreds are dead in Sri Lanka, Indonesia and Thailand… some say the quake may be coming back again… pray hard man… I would like to show you all the pics and video I took but I dunno how to put them online… anyway going off now for more news… I’ll be back tonight to report more… take care…

2004-12-26T14:06:00.000+08:00

Xmas was not as bad as I thought it would be...

Hmmm... think I had an ok xmas yesterday... my family nvr celebrate it anyway... so we decided to go shopping at Gurney... hell the traffic was so bad... and the weather was unbearable... we reached there around 1410... my mum n I rushed to the cinema to get the ticks for KUNGFU HUSTLE but there was hell a lot of people queueing up... we couldn't get the 5 plus one but fortunately got the 1940 one... it was very long since my parents last went to a cinema... anyway we have a long time to walk around... so we waited for dad to join us cos he went to park his car somewhere further... so three of us walked around... window shopping as usual... hehe... in M'sia i rarely go out with frens like I do in S'pore... I'm a 24-hrs-stay-at-home-with-family kind... so we then had lunch... at McD... super sian huh... but to my family it's a luxury... I onli go to a fast-food restaurant once per yr cos it's expensive... so I lead a pretty sad life compared to my fellow frens... the onli time I got the chance to visit a restaurant like KFC was on my Birthday... so nice... now if anyone ask me there I'll pui!pui!pui!... sick of it aleidi ever since I went to S'pore... anyway three of us shared 2 sets of meal... then there was a pet stall selling puppies and kittens... dunno that each costs a thousand plus... siau man... I love pups... hunting for new-yr clothes but cant find any nice ones... the clothes here are much much cheaper... then about 1820 like tt... we went to the road-side for dinner... hoho... our legs were super tired by then... the cinema also kanasai... dunwanna let us in early... finally... we got to enter just 5 mins before the movie started... it was not as good as I thought... not bad lah... ok ok onli... just see how much my family eats per day... after movie we headed for supper... it was around 2130 aleidi... my bro, sis-in-law and my aunt then joined us... boy I ate a lot... my aunt then ordered my favourite dish... STINGRAY... woohoo... it was a large one but no one could take in anymore tt time... so I had the whole thing to myself... damn syok man the feeling... then finally came back home around 2330... phew... went out the whole day... super tired... but the feelings was nice... going out with my family... long time nvr experience that aleidi... so that all for now... tis is a super long entry... haha... I'm hyper... byebye

2004-12-25T01:34:00.000+08:00

A Merry Tuting Xmas To Ya!!!

I really feel very bad now… sometimes I really dunno wat I’m doing… It’s Christmas Eve… And I hate it so so much… I’ve already told my parents that I dunwanna join them for Xmas tonite but they insisted cos, if I dun go I’ll have no dinner to eat… Anyway I followed them… We ate at the club… knowing that after dinner with my uncles (parents’ friends – whom I’m not close to), they will go to the karaoke… of cos it’s really not my kinda interest… I sat at the lounge like an idiot waiting for time to pass… fortunately I brought a book along with me… it’s damn boring but at least I had something to do lah… sat there alone for bout an hr… I just got a feeling that something like this will gonna happen… cos all my frens are partying outside and all I wanna do is to go home and check my mails… anyway my dad later came down to ask me to join them… so refused… then a while later my mum came down to call me… I relented… thought that the karaoke room will be better lah… so I went up wahlau… I’m the youngest there lah… kanasai… I’m 19 and the next youngest is like 35? So I sat there quietly listening to those pple singing… Some uncles and aunties came to me and asked me to sing… I of cos dunwan lah… I super ‘dao’ that night man… super quiet and aloof… purposely wanna show my ‘sian’ face for my parents to see… so my mum promised me that we’ll go home at 11… I believe lah… so I waited… then my dad compromised and said to go home at 12 plus… I said ‘anything lah’… at that point I a bit behsong… I’m not actually angry with my parents… but I really hate the atmosphere there… there was no one I know at all… and my brother was too busy to fetch me home too… sui sui I cannot drive also… tis is why I wanna learn how to drive so badly… anyway… the uncles and aunties there tried to persuade me to sing but I damn ‘dao’… just shook my head… can see that my parents a bit behsong too but I just duncare… then one particular aunty kept talking to me… I really no mood liau… I onli answered her one word to all the questions and she didn’t get my sign at all… she kept thinking of things to talk to me… I dunwanna tok to her lah… one more thing I felt so bad was my father… he tried to talk to me many times and asked me many things… all I did was shaking my head without saying anything to him… I can sense that he felt bad too lah… I was damn evil last night lah… it’s so not me… throwing tantrums around… I ended up sleeping there while everyone was having fun… I know that they must be cursing me for being the wet blanket… I bo-chap aleidi lah… so family left that place the earliest… I just walked off damn kanasai proudly, without saying any good-byes at all… my parents can sense something wrong with me aleidi… I felt bad too lah… we then had supper at the Indian muslim stall… so during supper I tried to talk more lah… I really dunwanna join them one… so I had a very bad Christmas eve… so to compensate I’m going out with my parents today on Christmas… we may go for a movie too… sigh… Hope that everything goes well lah… so sorry daddy and mummy… love you both… I’m just having my periodic mood swings… so treat my parents well k… dun be like me… such a bad son… anyway wishing all of ya a merry xmas… love you too…

2004-12-24T17:53:00.000+08:00

No mood for anything at all... :(

Dunno why I got those mood swings... Really not in ta mood for anything at all... I'm neither sad nor happy... just dun feel the festive mood at all... maybe I'm in Penang but no leh... even my parents are enjoying themselves... there are lots of things I wanna write it down but damn lazy lah... tis is always the case when I'm at home... damn sian to do anything... everyday wake up at 10 plus 11 like tt... then watch tv ta whole day... real no life... if syok will go to the club for some exercise... but super rare cos 1) I still can't drive 2) I'm actually not allowed to enter the gym 3) super lazy... the 5-meals per day routine is insidiously killing me slowly... can feel those lipids crawling under my skin aleidi... ooo... just in time to be papa santa...hohoho... tis will be a damn boring and new year for me cos most of me frens are in s'pore... boohoo... so sad... luckily I still have some close frens around here... recently one treated me ice-cream... thank you so much for my gaining-weight programme... haha... I'm still so evil... if anyone really pity me, feel free to come visit me and TREAT me... hehe... hmmm... let me see... my everyday life is like tt loh... nothing special... cos my bro is going for his honey-mooney aleidi... I'll stay at home, watch tv, check my mails and then rot... but in a way I'm damn lucky compared to when in S'pore... cos got damn good food to eat... eat like in heaven man... ohho... think I crap to much aleidi... anyway... wishing all those like me a MERRY XMAS & A HAPPY NEW YR!!! well for those better off... lucky you lah... byebye

2004-12-21T17:01:00.000+08:00

MY BROTHER'S WEDDING

Haha... I'm so happy for my brother and my sis-in-law... the 3-day celebration was indeed a great success... relatives and friends of my family from all over Malaysia, Singapore and China all came to Penang for this happy gathering... I'll try to get the wedding pics to put online... but that'll be later lah... now is the resting time for my family... they really worked very hard for my brother... lucky him... so I'll be back with the full account after I hibernate for a while... Actually I'm too lazy to write down everything... but it was real fun... if my mood good lah then I'll tell ya all... WooHoo... I'm so happy...